I met my boyfriend about two years ago. We met online and when I first looked at his pictures I had a really good feeling about him. I still do. The thing with me is that I’ve always had low self-esteem. I’m not gonna put blame on anyone because my therapist taught me better than that but I grew up feeling really lonely and isolated. Worst of all I never felt like anything special happened to me. My dating life was horrible. The first guy I dated lived almost an hour away from me and worst of all I meet him at church. So even if I wanted to get curious, I always felt like I was going to get punished for it. That’s another common trait in my life, this huge guilt and the fear of karmic debt. This is one, I do have to blame my mom for as she was manipulative growing up and often threatened us through a godly force. So I never felt like I could interact with others with a sense of curiosity and worse of all I felt ashamed of my body and deprived myself of what made it feel good. I grew up with a lot of empty threats and broken promises. Had a hard