My brain's dead weight. I'm trying to get my head straight but I can't figure out which sister I want to impregnate. And my doctor said "Michael, you're

14 years

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My brain’s dead weight. I’m trying to get my head straight but I can’t figure out which sister I want to impregnate. And my doctor said “Michael, you’re crazy.” I disagreed and he told me that I had to end my drinking habits. Well, since age 12 I felt like I’m someone else ever since I hung myself in a dream. I got really pissed off and ended up beating my sisters and mother at times. Now all I do is get high, drunk, and head. Sometimes I don’t give a f***. I like to think God sent me to piss the world off. My English teacher kept flunking me in college until I ended up punching her in the face and now I’m expelled. All I do now is go to strip clubs and end up getting thrown out… And I swear sometimes I feel like people are watching me. Visitors… Anyways, 99 percent of my life I was lied to. I just found out my mom does more dope than I do. I told her I’d grow up to be a famous rapper one day, and probably name my first album after her or something. All my life I was very deprived. I ain’t had a woman in years and my palms are too hairy to hide (if you know what I mean). When I was little I used to get so hungry… Mother spent all the money on dope. F*** if I know where dad was. I lay awake at night… Just staring the ceiling wearing a bullet-proof vest I stole once from a police station. Actually, I kind killed my dad in this dream I had. Slit his throat.

Any advice, guys? I feel lost.

New Confession

I met my friend in August of 2022. We met over a fandom for a YouTuber we both liked, we’d talk, shade headcanons, write, and the like. She was wonderful. She was perfect, so sweet and kind, loving, caring, passionate. Of course I fell in love with her.

Something in my mind at some point, I don’t know where, just seemed to break. I saw her as this absolutely perfect, flawless angel. Someone above me, someone above feeling the ways I do, someone so perfect she couldn’t possibly be upset by me. So I put more and more on my angel. She can’t feel bad, she’s perfect. It’s wrong, but that’s how my mind was working. I still see her as someone so beautiful and amazing.

I professed my love to her. She didn’t want it. But I pushed her on, continually telling her I loved her, over and over again professing my feelings and pretty much BEGGING for her to love me back. She didn’t want it yet I pressed on, spamming her with love declarations at LEAST weekly, hoping that maybe someday she’d change her mind.

But that’s not even the end of it. No, she was either perfect or evil to me. And whatever set me to treating her like my perfect savior angel, it all came crashing back down in reverse. All over YouTube drama. The moment she did something I didn’t perceive as perfect, I snapped. That YouTube channel we both like had been called out for being an abuser and I said it was unacceptable to keep watching and giving exposure to him, she said I should just let people enjoy things. I made an angry post about how everyone who liked that channel was enabling his abuse, got banned from the community, and I was desperate to come back. They were my only friends.

I made an alt account to pretty much stalk my angel, I was jealous and controlling and paranoid over her finding someone better than me and leaving me now that she was upset at me. I joined back in the servers I wasn’t allowed in. I listened in to a call she was in. At the same time, I was messaging her on my main account, pretty much yelling at her about how she’s funding and platforming an abuser. On my alt, I would act all sweet, I knew my relationship with her was already ruined so I thought if I became someone else, someone better, someone ideal, she’d love me.

This was the end for us. She found me out and completely cut me off, then later I was sent a document detailing everything I’ve done and that I abused her, broke her mentally, and made it so she can’t trust anyone anymore.

Reddit . Com / u / Raincandy-Angel

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