5 years
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Got a text from neighbor’s wife but instead of a command to kneel at the fence glory hole she said they wanted to come over and talk. Short version, she has always wanted to own a submissive male but her husband has no desire to be one and she does not want to break him as a man who knows how to f*** her like she wants. Lots of details to work out but I am looking forward to it. She intends to draw up a dominance contract of sorts. The only guaranteed ceetainty is that I will never ever be allpwed to f*** her and I will never be allowed in their bedroom and probably never even their home. I told them that that is the one part that troubles me about it because I will still want to experience f****** and being with a woman. She said that that would have to be figured out somehow but that she was willing to allow it just not woth her and that it would probably be something I had to earn and would be under her authority. His primary input was to make sure i understood that no way do i gwt to f*** her and that i needed to understand that no woman, no matter how much she may love dominating a submissive male, wants a cocksucker’s c*** or c** inside her body and he had no intention of sinking his own c*** into a p**** that had been “sullied” by a cocksucker’s c*** or c**. It was humiliating and demoralizing to hear but I understand I guess. They are going to come over again later today and work out the expectations and details. He did actually tell me he was glad that I was willing to consider doing this for her because it made her happy in a way that they did not want as part of their relationship and she was wanting to f*** more and like a wildcat after the backyard gloryhole events that had happened so far. And it gives me a sort of sense of belonging.

New Confession

আমার মনে হচ্ছে, সে ভালোই-ভালোই মুভ অন করে ফেলেছে। আর আমি… শুধুশুধুই এতগুলো বছর ভেবে, কল্পনায় নষ্ট করলাম। এখনও করি।

অবশ্য, শুরু থেকেই দোষটা আমারই। আমার অন্তত রেজাল্টটা আরেকটু ভালো করা উচিত ছিল। আবার কনফিডেন্ট হওয়া উচিত ছিল। কেউ আমাকে তার সঙ্গে তুলনা করে “ইনফিরিয়র” বললে যে আমি আদৌ “ইনফিরিয়র” নই—এটা ২০২১ সালেই বোঝা উচিত ছিল। কিন্তু কিছু কিছু শব্দ আমি মাথা থেকে ফেলতে পারিনি। আমি খুঁজে বেড়াচ্ছিলাম, কোন কোন দিক দিয়ে আমি তার থেকে ছোট।

বেশ ইন্টারেস্টিং একটা সমস্যা ছিল। আমার উচিত ছিল, কোন কথাগুলো আমাকে কষ্ট দিচ্ছে, সেটা বলা। কিন্তু তার বদলে তৈরি হয়েছিল একটা অন্তর্নিহিত কষ্টের লুপ—সেখান থেকে কষ্ট, অপমান, ইনফিরিয়রিটি কমপ্লেক্স, ফিয়ার অব অ্যাবানডনমেন্ট; তারপর সেখান থেকে রাগ, দূরত্ব, আইসোলেশন…

অবশ্য, সমস্যাটা আমারই।

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