Childhood Crush (Elementary Grade)

van,
I liked you since we were in 2nd grade. I never knew what having a crush means during that time, as I was so young, but all I know is I wanted to walk home with you always after our classes. I wanted to sit beside you during classes. I even remember feeling envious towards your cousin who you can walk home with after school. How did it all started? Well, I do not know if this was all dream or if it happened for real, but this childhood memory with you has been carved in my mind since then:

We were in 2nd grade playing role plays. In those silly games, we – including our other classmates – love to imitate characters from famous television shows. I remember we were imitating a famous TV show about half man half spider. You were the hero in that role play. the half man half spider cool guy. And I totally agreed for you to play it. You were so cool, like a superhero.

But I was the villain. And you were chasing after me. You were supposed to save your princess from someone like me. I was running away from you and then I accidentally tripped. I fell down the hard wooden floor of our classroom. It must have been painful for me, but I never felt it because I was so occupied with what happened next. You landed on top of me. On all fours, immersed in your character. I remember you looking at me with intensity and you were purring like a predator, and I was your prey. You were a spider, and I was a docile fly beneath you.

My heart beat faster, and when I realized what was happening, I immediately got up. You too. I scanned the room observing if someone noticed us, and I hoped no one did. Because it was an embarrassing experience.

I cannot anymore remembered what happened after that. All I knew was from that then on, I wanted to get your attention all the time.

I could have made a move trying to be friendly with you, but I never did. The fondness I had for you was growing day by day was my little big secret, until now that I have confessed it openly to this site.

Since that day, I tried to distance myself, embarrassed of the fondness growing within. But I was always looking at you from afar. Whenever you play a game, I tried to join it, and learn the game if I do not.

And I also remember severing friendship ties with a classmate I was very close with, because I heard from her friend that you liked her. And instead of feeling envious while being with her all the time, I stayed away. Even from you also.

I did not liked the feeling of wanting your attention so much, so kept it hidden, I distanced myself. I just did not thought when we reached highschool, I carried with me the feelings I had for you.

lilyrose