Yeah you are not talking to me…. I’ve only had my heart broken once, it was slow, painful and with salt dumped into it constantly, every day, by more than one person, for years. And she slowly cut me off and out of many things and didn’t speak to me. UNLESS someone she was close to was doing s*** she didn’t know, breaking into her email, block me, her, whatever, causing trouble and making things impossible, but even at that, which I dont believe, it’s her fault for knowingly getting mixed up with a s***** person, being a poor judge of character, indiscriminate. So what happened is after enough time going through this, I finally determined I was wasting my time on someone who did not give a s*** despite our relationship, and worse was probably irritated my me for acting like a pathetic, clingy, needy p************ for so long. A wimp. So I made a fool of myself for years, and in fact ruined any chance that could have been there. I declared it dead, moved on and got over it like she probably already did long before I did. Logically. She never cared anyway.

Maybe I hurt a girl, who became a woman and even still an older woman, maybe I hurt her when I was a kid simply by suddenly leaving one day and not so much as looking back BUT that was her fault. She made me feel like she didn’t give a s***, by not letting on that she did. See a trend here, ladies? This one was before the one above.

So the first time I left and didn’t look back was her fault for not giving more and making me feel worthless. I was man enough to accept this at such a young age and moved on not that I had much of a choice, which probably hurt her because she did actually care. But I encountered her again in our 20’s, we both new eachother was the other, we were both interested, and neither of us approached. I can say what I didn’t. It was for 2 reasons 1) she was someone, our relationship was not something I wanted to share with the buddies I was with. That was mine. They were my friends BUT even still, it wasn’t something I wanted them even near. I never told them about it before, I never spoke about it ever, I had kown them immediately after the first time I left her. Never once did I ever discuss it I never left the bar and said hey guys, you’ll never believe this, I didn’t tell them while I was in the bar, they were my friends, but I guess you could say I never completely trusted them. Especially at that time. I always new what I had, what I knew, was actually better than what they ever knew. So no. I didn’t discuss it before, during, or after and 2) I knew I wasn’t where I needed to be to make this thing, which was important to me, more than a one night stand, more than a f***, you know, that stupid s***, it was bigger than that to me, I was not where I needed to be, to not ruin it. So I let it be. No regrets BUT blowing that chance, that rare opportunity, it’s actually only happened one time, might have hurt her. For that I guess I’m sorry for that. I really did care about her even if she gave me nothing and I believed it enough to start to actually forget it and move on. What’s different about her is when we saw each other years later, when I really had forgotten about and moved on, without a single word I instantly knew by her actions and body language…. She DID care. A lot. Not one word was spoken. I was important, and it was mutual. absolutely but I still believe I did the right thing for me and us at the time by not moving in. it wasn’t a f*** to me. It wasn’t a ‘b*********” it was deeper than that kind of stupid s***. That would have just led to the demise and cheapening of something important to both of us within a short time. So yeah, sorry, but not. And if it was a setup that I didn’t know about, which I actually think it could be possible, well that’s wrong too. That would piss me off. Love is not something you force or set up. It happens. Like this alone started out. So if it was a setup, maybe I smelled a rat, because if you look at my reasons, number 1), she made the mistake of involving people who I INTENTIONALLY KEPT AWAY FROM IT FROM THE BEGINNING. Say my friend new her friend, maybe her friend (who I hated anyway, right from the start back in the day) dated my friend’s brother seriously for years, and they got to talking and guess what? I know him?…. Let’s do this like a group of sneaky rats!… Let’s manipulate the situation, get then in the same place and then bam!…. Well guess what? Can you say backfire? Can you say “Spidey Senses?” If that’s the case, you all the med it up by trying to manipulate things unnaturally, failed, possibly fucked it up forever. That’s not my fault. It’s just the way I role. Certain things (IMO) are not for sharing with certain people. Imam not cool with that. If you do, and I sense it or I find out about it it’s permanent damage. I’m not cool with that.