Busy morning for ex sister in law and me. Test results were thankfully all clear. After we got that news there was a silent period. It was a matter of knowing that we could resume the pay for s** dynamic but it is messy now. Cat out of bag that I am in this more deeply than she realized before her arrest and all this. Me knowing that if she allows it it may be more me mechanical/distant for her and that may not work for me. Me needing to know for my own sake how much she was low level hooking without me knowing. An issue of relationship or “ownership” as a two way street. Her perhaps feeling obligated to give me that as the only way to “pay me back” for the major dollar amount and ongoing issue of letting her live with me for now at no cost. I am over the money/payback issue bc I am in this mentally and emotionally now and that also bothers her. Even if not for my “in too deep” over my head with her, wanting to sincerely help her get back on her feet. Whether as much as she loves s** and likes the money bonus, would she even be willing to be in a relationship. Me learning over the last months that I am happier when she is there. Not knowing how much of her not wanting to be alone is about safety and security net vs her wanting to be here. Realizing that if she shuts down even the cuddling and no s** sharing a bed, I would still selfishly want her to stay after things are handled. And that is just the grey zone. Reality is I am independently financially well off and whether the thousands I have paid her for s** until now was not a thing to me and neither would her living with me longer term be an issue for me. But the last thing I want is for her to make such a decision to delay stability for herself and definitely not just perceived s***** “obligations”. Then the legal side. Lawyer briefed us that it is prob better that she stay with me for perception as well as for a relatively low level first time bust, and covid, she may get a court date that is farther away and she may get put on ankle monitoring. That he did not know or care why I was the safety net but if anything was going on then think twice. That a plea down might be best answer to make it go away without a deeper dive into the issue of her being former sister in law with a divorce from her sister. He also pointed out that we needed to not be naive about the simple cohabitation with respect to the divorce of her sister, i can at least not overstress too much on that one since the divorce decree is very clear and solid/protecrive unless ex wife wanted to try to pull a retroactive alienation of affection action by alleging what was not happening at the time and that is not difficult to defend against with the specific history. So i am in this place of aching to be with ex sister in law in full relationship and no clue how she feels about it. Will she feel imprisoned and obligated or resentful.

While typing this post I got a text from a former marital mutual friend that the local news had ex sister in law in recent arrest notices for the PI and solicitation. Ex wife currently blowing up both our phones.