Well, IF you ever wonder why I’m so difficult and dismissive, it’s because I know that’s how you really feel. There is no good intent when its coming from you. There never was. I’ve always known that. Right from the start. Before the start.

I do wonder why such an interest in me especially after all these years, even if it’s rooting for the negative or causing it? What is the reason for it? What is the interest and why? Isn’t it a waste of time on your part? Shouldn’t you be using that evergy on people close to you, husband, kids, friends, whatever? Career? Doing something, traveling, whatever? It’s hard for me to understand, but we are not the same type of people though either. We roll differently. The whole thing back then was also much more important to me then it was to you, that was obvious, so the interest after everything, at this point baffles me. I can understand people, friends of yours, people you met after us being bothered by my existence especially coming from you, even if I have not show and interest in a long time. Years. Many years. I really gave up, and I’m not a fool, it’s why I don’t buy the s***. Forgiveness. Hahaha! Yeah right.

Mental problems? Probably. Who doesn’t? Not sure of the extent. Of course there’s that hole thing that I didn’t f*** you. EVERYBODY fucks you, I could see how that would put the screws to you a bit. Who knows? Is it how f****** crazy I was, how bad the s*** I said and how I acted during? That WAS f****** nasty. REALLY nasty. I was a real p************ most of the time. A stupid, crazy p************ loser, doing nothing with my life. I said some really s***** things. I knew I was very wrong. That was a perfectly legit reason to drop me like s*** and not look back, but none of it should ever have happened either. Not blaming you, you are what you are, people can take it or leave it, everyone has a choice who they get involved with, I took it and chose to buy into it. I fell for it, but at the same time didn’t? It was idiotic of me. One of the most idiotic things I have ever done, I regret it like nothing else. After you I try to keep away from people who have the capacity to intentionally bring out the worst in me. I get away from it. I guess I assume I apologized and tried to let you know by allowing you observe me suffering, spiraling into hell, alone, like nobody ever should for close to 10 years while you got on with your life without even lifting one finger or putting a single hair out of place to maybe give me even a little bit of solace. I think it was a pretty good and sincere apology. And then the best, FINALY, FI-NA-LY, when it was all said and done you got to go “Excuse me? Do I know you? What are you going on about?” You got me there. You won that relationship by a landslide. You actually got to deliver the death blow after it was all said and done.

So, I can’t help but wonder what’s so interesting about me now? Jeez, I would be so much better off right now had I not wasted all that time on you or because of you. You won. But I am not really interested in any kind of personal relationship with you in any way. You are not someone me I could ever trust. I don’t trust you and I don’t actually buy the s*** about love or miss or any of that. There no good intent. I don’t understand why though. What a waste of time on your part. Personally, I don’t go after my enemies. I move on, leave it behind and make s*** better. There’s no interest in how they’re doing. They could be great, I usually assume they are. Better than I am, but that doesn’t matter, because all that’s important is me. If I can’t get any pleasure out of it or take away something from it that will practically serve me innsoke way, it’s just dead weight.

Realizing once again that I need to distance myself from s*** that ever was connected to you. Even if it is no longer connected to you currently.

I need to pull back and away even further if that’s even possible. Right? If you’re interested and you know how I am, you should know that’s the way it goes, which will drive you even crazier. You loose even more grip from me and what I’m doing. Maybe your just a bad person who gets off on that kind of thing. I was wrong, but I DID try to change things. I tried harder than most. I wonder how you can do some of the s*** you do now, currently over the last 5+ years. Obviously there’s no good intentions.

Just don’t ever expect me to change my opinion of you or be less illusive. That will never change.