How about this, I’ll go back to therapy and go back on medication/drop the drugs once you pay me back the 500 dollars you cost me in fines, do me a s***** favor, and apologise for lying to me multiple times and abandoning me. Thats totally something you’d do yeah? Totally reasonable?
Yeah! then I’ll totally tell the therapist I spend most of my day when I’m not purposely distracting myself dissociating while I have reoccuring intrusive thoughts of kidnapping, torture, arson, r***, murder, and suicide. I’m sure that will go over SWIMMINGLY.
F*** you you stupid b****. No, what I need to fix the whole in my soul you sucked out with your vampiric fangs, is a LOT of p**** and emotional support from a kind hearted and crazy woman, and a f****** vacation. I need a kindred spirit to mend my heart and soul, to replenish my vitality, then I can worry about my mind and my future later. The cure must come from outside, theres nothing inside to build on. I am ethereal. I am a hallow shell, filled with naught but desires and compulsions. Reality and personal responbility must be fought at every turn. I refuse to ever take the first steps towards growing up until a beautiful woman decides to make me a man without me having to seek it out. If not, I will just spiral further into my own self-made madness until I kill you and myself. This is everyone elses problem to deal with, I’m perfectly fine being a monster at this point. I am f****** REALLY ANGRY that I didn’t laid a single time during my 20s. At least if I got to bang some cute j******* once it would have made up for it being the only time I got laid during my s***** prime. Talk about holy grails….Now you look older than ME and youd probably break like a china doll if I tried to d********** you. The only thing I want at this point is to hurt you, because theres nothing you could really offer me at this point besides some mediocre s** and a bunch of headaches, even if you wanted to, and I cant just move on since you kinda wiped 6 years of my life out with the traumatic b******* you and your mother brought in to MY life.
I must punish you for wasting what was left of my youth. I must punish you for the fact that I still cant move on. I must punish you, because this continuing obsession and mental deteriorating continues to consume more and more days, with no end in sight. My obsession with you is YOUR FAULT. I blame you and hate you even more with every day that passes, because you refuse to save me from the mess that you created by entering my life. I wish I had never met you. Why couldnt you be afraid of me and avoid me like you did every other MAN at the time? I’ll tell you why. It was because my inner light was so brilliant that it drew you in. YOu were blinded by the light, and in your stupor, you extinguished it. You extinguished the flame of HOPE.
You and you alone can rekindle it. And so….Nothing will change.
It will only be more of the same. More hatred, more jealousy, more despair. As you refuse to save me, I refuse to see reason. Why save myself, someone I hold no value for, when I can instead extinguish YOUR light of hope? All you had to do was bend, just a LITTLE. Your indecision, thrill seeking, arrogance, cowardice, pride and enmity will cost you dearly. I would have done everything you asked me to, if only you had given me some closure. A 5 minute conversation 3 years ago would have stopped everything that has transpired since from happening, and I hate you for not being able to see that, or perhaps just not caring about my peace as long as you have yours. No, because “HE fucked up and he doesn’t deserve an explanation or a place in my life! Blah blah blah narcissists blah blah blah grooming blah blah blah GIRL POWER blah blah blah I dont have to have people in my life if I Dont want to” Youre a heartless, self centered, parroting b**** with no original thoughts of her own. And now you beg me to leave you alone. You want me to disapear, so that is the one thing I will NEVER do. No matter how much I try to move on by myself, I am not strong enough, and so I make it your problem, whether its fair or not. I dont care what I am. I dont care what happens to me. I just want you to be as lonely as I am, so you know how it feels, and failing that, I want you to be as broken as I am. Give back the light you STOLE.