You Probably Should Be Having More S**
Your dead bedroom is none of my business, but I still have thoughts…
Meaghan Ward
Meaghan Ward
May 13 · 4 min read
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

I hung out with my two best friends this weekend, and we had a blast catching up with each other in person.

I’ve known both of these women for around 30 years now (yikes!) and the great thing about them is that I can tell them anything if I want to, and that goes all ways.

We went out to dinner Saturday night and of course the conversation at one point turned to s**, and my friend Susanne said:

“I just had s** with my boyfriend for the first time since August and something ripped in my v***** and now I have a yeast infection. It wasn’t even worth it.”

My eyes widened, but if my head could have spun uncontrollably around my neck, it would have.

Sure, Susanne and her boyfriend have been together ten years, but oh my God, is this really what it has to come to between people — going months or even years without having s** with the one you love the most?
Dead bedrooms kill relationships.

I’m lucky to say I don’t know this from personal experience. I’ve never been in a steady relationship long enough for the s** to start to wane, so I have no idea what it feels like to slowly… I don’t know, what?

Decide one day that you don’t desire your partner anymore?

Come to a realization that you don’t need s** in your life to be fulfilled?

Being too f****** tired — really, come on — for months?

I literally do not know what drives most couples to stop having s**, and I never want to know because the thought of it happening in my relationship scares the s*** out of me.

I’ve seen it too many times, up close and personally, other people’s relationships coming to a bitter end after months or years of dealing with the dead bedroom.

I just can’t fathom not wanting the best possible s***** relationship with my partner, and to me, having the best possible s***** relationship means having lots of s**.
What makes the s** wane?

For my friend Susanne, it was a few things — one of them, and the thing that I personally think had the biggest impact on their s** life, is that they never went to bed at the same time.

She goes to bed at a reasonable hour, but he’s a total night owl and sleeps late in the morning.

If you’re not slipping into bed with your partner every night, and if you aren’t waking up with them every morning, you are missing an awful lot of opportunity for intimacy.

I’m not even talking about s** here, I’m talking about true intimacy between a couple, the comfort of falling asleep beside them and the joy that it is to be able to wake up and crawl right into their arms.

To give that up, the sleeping and waking together is not a good sign, in my opinion…

I don’t even like king sized beds.

But it’s more than just spending time together in the bedroom that makes for a good s** life and solid relationship:
You have to spend quality time together.

Suzanne and her boyfriend live together and both work at home, so they’re together constantly…and yet they are not together.

Since the pandemic began, they haven’t braved the people to go out to restaurants or gone on any other kinds of dates with each other.

He is a runner and spends an hour morning and night out on the road while she reads books and bakes.

They don’t do things together.

I’m not suggesting co-dependency is a healthy alternative, you can’t all be like my parents who do everything together all the time and have no time to themselves, there has to be a balance that works for both partners.

But you have to work for this.

Life gets in the way, jobs and kids get in the way — you have to make your partner a priority hopefully more often than not, and realize that cultivating your relationship outside of the bedroom is going to have a huge impact on what goes on inside the bedroom.
You have to talk about your needs.

When it comes down to it, as always, good s** and good s** lives come down to good communication between partners — if you don’t have that, you don’t have much to work with.

If you aren’t satisfied with your s** life and that is affecting how you feel about your partner and your relationship, why the hell don’t you speak up about it and nip it in the bud before you end up in a dead bedroom?

And if you’ve already found yourself in a dead bedroom, it’s time to address what got you there and what you’re going to do to get out of it.

Do you want to be having more s**?

Then you should make having more s** a priority, and talk about why it’s not happening if it hasn’t been happening.

If you can’t talk about it, the dead bedroom may be the least of your problems…