I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t feel happiness. All I feel is pain and sadness. If I try hard enough, then I can turn off my emotions. Feeling nothing is the best scenario. Something snapped in me today. I don’t know what happened. I know that I need help, but I’m so scared.

My last post said: “I don’t know why I’m here, and I would probably be better off dead. I don’t even have a problem, I’m just an attention seeking b****. If I went to therapy, they would see right through me. I have no reason to feel awful. I’m just awful. I’m scared to face life. If I’m filled with anger towards myself, then I don’t feel pain. I don’t know what to do.”

I don’t have an anxiety disorder. I don’t have clinically diagnosed depression. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should be fine. I should be normal. But I’m not. And I already told my parents how I feel, so I’m scared that if I start feeling better, then they will think I’m faking it. But what if I am faking it? I know that I want more attention, but I don’t want to feel like this. I’m so tired. This is the third time that I’ve cried today.

I have to remember to disconnect. I need to stop feeling this pain, so I have to try to turn off my emotions. But it’s so hard. I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. I feel like I’m falling. I have an amazing life too. I don’t deserve to have everything that I do. I don’t deserve to live.