How Often Should You Have S**?
Where are you on the scale from s** addict to born-again virgin?
Ash Jurberg
Ash Jurberg
Mar 18 · 6 min read
Photo by Gabby K from Pexels

All the time! We want to f*** all the time!

I know many of you will say that when you read the headline, but I don’t think that’s true. Well, not for most of you, according to research.

How often do you want s**, and how often should you have s**? They are questions that are worth considering. There is a perception that males want s** all the time and women less so, but as we shall see, that isn’t true. And how does s** frequency affect a relationship?

So many questions, Ash, so many questions. To answer these, we shall look at three different demographics:

the s** addict
the born again virgin
the average couple

And see where YOU fit in.
Addicted to S** — I Just Can’t Get Enough

I was prompted to write this article when I read about Tracy Kiss. The mother of two appeared on a British TV show saying she needed s** 11 times a day. (11 seems an oddly specific number). Her past partners had been burned out and unable to keep up with her insatiable demand. Tracy literally had to take matters into her own hands. She said. “When it comes to m***********, I do it at least twice a day — sometimes three. I work from home, so it’s quite convenient to have a lunchtime w***.”

Thank God she works from home and can have a convenient lunchtime w***.

Tracy said she gets into a bad mood if she doesn’t have an o***** at least once a day and is now looking for a partner who can put up with her high libido. Let’s wish Tracy luck in her quest to find a man who can keep up with Tracy’s need for s**.

It is worth mentioning that the idea that men have a far higher s** drive and think about s** constantly is a myth. According to research, men think about s** 19 times a day while women ponder s** 10 times daily. As we can see from Tracy, some women want more s** than their male partners can offer.
Is 11 times a day too much?

Having a high libido is only a problem if it leads to compulsive s***** behavior. That is when the desire to seek s***** activity overrules all other parts of your life. Between 3–6% of people in the United States experience compulsive s***** behavior.
The born again virgin — Leave Me Alone

There is a difference between a s** drought and a born-again virgin. Having endured the former — I feel well qualified on the matter.

A s** drought is when someone is actively seeking s** but unable to find someone willing to reciprocate. A born-again virgin is someone who has previously had s** but makes the decision to forgo s**.

S** therapist Chantelle Otten says, “People are taking the decision to reinvent their s***** selves. The reasons are entirely personal — whether it’s religious grounds, negative s***** patterns, s***** burnout from dating, wellness, and spiritual journeys, or trying to be mindful about their choices. They want emotional intimacy before going down a s***** path.”

Some couples choose to become born again virgins until they get married. Singer Ciara and NFL footballer Russell Wilson are one such couple. Even though Ciara had a child from a previous relationship, she decided not to have s** with Wilson until they got married.

This was OK as Ciara and Russell made this decision together. For some people, they are in a sexless relationship, not through their own choosing. A sexless relationship is defined as having s** (or a form of s***** intimacy) less than ten times a year. Of course, if both people are happy with the lack of s**, it is OK.
Is 10 times a year too little?

It does become a problem in a relationship if either party is hesitant or avoids initiating physical touch for fear of rejection or that it will lead to unwanted s**.

While people in sexless relationships think they are the only ones, it is more common than you would expect. A 2017 study found that among 18- to 89-year-olds in the United States. ..Hold on.. 89-year-olds? I don’t want to seem ageist, but I don’t want to picture my grandmother completing a s** survey.

Sorry back to the topic, the survey found that 15.2 percent of males and 26.7 percent of females had no s** in the past year. More alarmingly, 8.7 percent of males and 17.5 percent of females had gone five years without s**.

I don’t know what the level beyond s** drought is, but that would be the term required here.
The ‘average’ couple — Normal as the next guy

We’ve looked at the extremes, so what is the average?

A 2017 study published in Archives of S***** Behavior found that the average adult has s** 54 times a year which is pretty much once a week. Interestingly this is nine times a year less than a survey conducted in the 1990s. I blame smartphones and social media for this decline. People want to Zuck rather than f***.

Of course, that number does vary according to age, relationship status, and duration of the current relationship. Those in their twenties had s** around 80 times a year, while those in their sixties average around 20 times a year. 89-year-olds were thankfully excluded from this survey.

And then there is the honeymoon period in any relationship, or to use a fancy, less s***, psychological term — the limerence period. That’s when your new partner can do no wrong, and everything is fantastic. It’s also when couples have the most s**. As the initial excitement fades, the s***** frequency drops off.
So between 11 times a day and 10 times a year is good?

Research published in 2015 looked at over 2400 couples and found that the more s** a couple had, the happier they were. No surprises there.

But while relationship satisfaction improved progressively from having no s** up to having s** once a week, it peaked at once a week, and happiness started to decrease beyond this point. Yes, more s** led to a decrease in happiness.

This would seem to suggest that once a week is the magical number.
So what’s the frequency, Kenneth?

Except that it isn’t.

We all know that s** is about quality, not quantity. And the studies back this up. One study examined same-s** couples and compared them to mixed-s** couples. The results found that while same-s** female couples had s** less frequently, the duration of each s***** event was far longer than for any other group. This led to higher s***** satisfaction.

This would suggest that if you have more satisfying s**, then the frequency doesn’t matter as much. It’s much better to have great mind-blowing s** once a week than daily s** where you would rather be scrolling Facebook.

It is also worth noting that having lots of s** won’t create a good relationship, or improve a bad relationship. But a healthy loving relationship tends to involve more s** organically.

So Sexography readers, which category do you fit into? S** addict? Born again virgin? Or Mr/Mrs/Ms Average?
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