I’ve been falling madly in love with my doctor for more than 23 years! I’m not delusional as I’ve always known I can’t be with her but it’s never left me alone. I think about her day and night and it affects me like a debilitating mental illness. I’ve always had a thing for doctors and older women so when I met her she was my ultimate fantasy personified down to the smallest detail! I know how crazy this sounds but I would have traded whatever time I have left on this planet just to kiss her once. I know that’s not normal but what really scares me is that I know deep in my gut that doing so would have been worth it. This isn’t even the worst of it – she died suddenly last month from cancer and I still feel like I’m falling in love with her! I couldn’t even go to the funeral because of covid and never got to say goodbye to her. I’m scared I can never be happy now because regardless of who I may meet it won’t be her. I don’t even want to exist in a reality that doesn’t contain her but don’t know how to explain this to my family. I don’t know whats wrong with me but I do know it’s not normal to spend nearly 25 years in love with someone you can’t have! When she died I went on a drink and drug binge and ended up confessing how I felt about her to a virtual condolence book in her memory as well as posting a picture that I drew of her but never got to give her. When I got up the next day I realised that sending what I wrote to her friends and family in her condolence book was unfair and inappropriate but it was too late to try and take back. Ever since I first met her when I was 15 (she was 32) ALL I’ve wanted to do is be around her. I’ve used the thought of her to get me through each day for almost 25 years. I don’t want to exist in a reality that doesn’t contain her but can’t explain this to the people who care about me as it sounds ridiculous. I’m sorry Susan – I never meant to fall in love with you and am beyond devastated that I may have upset your family at such a difficult time. Limerence or love? Really it’s irrelevant – I either find a way to turn it off soon or I’ll be dead. Sorry to anyone this will hurt but I had no choice in how I’ve felt all this time. Why do we have to fall in love with someone we know we can’t be with? It’s illogical and it frustrates me. The thought of what it would have been like to be close to her physically and spend my life with her blows my mind. How can I enjoy anything in life after meeting someone like her? Nothing compares and never will…