When I was younger despite my mother being profoundly racist, I had a black live in nanny/wet nurse for far longer than breast feeding was necessary or appropriate. My mother had no interest in having children at all, much less a male child, so I actually shared a bedroom with my nanny. With no typical/normal mothering instincts on her own, my mother was more than happy to let the wet nurse raise me for years. I was cuddled in my nanny’s arms and nursed ar her breast nightly for all those years. It came to an end when I was 15, and my mother realized that while she did not ask or care about the age-inappropriate nursing, my nanny would sometimes m********* me as I was latched onto her breast. On a handful of occasions, my nanny would teach me to penetrate her but never as “normal” s**; it was always preceded by and followed by having me at her breast. It was traumatic when that relationship with her was ended by my mother.
My mother passed away recently, and thanks to the strained relationship with her I rarely saw her or spoke with her. I usually dealt with her primary caretaker, who is also a black woman. Tje caretaket and I have not bonded to any degree but have alwsys been pleasant/cordial and gotten along well enough as needed. The day after her funeral, the caretaker asked to have a talk with me, and I was told that my mother had told her caretaker about how I was raised and the nanny relationship. The caretaker also told me about how all of my adult relationships had ended poorly and toxically, and that my mother was convinced that it was because for me no woman had ever compared to my nanny. In hindsight that is probably true. My mother’s caretaker also told me that of her own free will,lp