I never have any idea on how to start these out. I swear I’ve written a million but every time I never can get all my feelings out. A simple and easy way is a ‘I love you.’ But it’s so much more than that. Because it’s a build up, it’s been a slow burn for me if you will. I started out just saying me and you were in a relationship to shut people up especially my ex. But then one day when talking to my friends about crushes and I refused I had one, one of them asked such a simple question “Close your eyes and picture someone kissing you right now?” And f*** I realized I had a crush on you. It was like that for two years. I just had a ‘small crush’ that I’d ‘be over in no time’. But than one day this latest summer a different friend was on call with her boyfriend all night and you texted me. I can’t remember her face when she looked over at me. But I remember her asking me what was wrong. It hurt that day when I looked up at her almost crying and for the first time admitting it to anyone including myself I said ‘I’m actually in love with him.’ It felt unfair almost as if you tricked me. Though I don’t think you have a clue what’s going on. Time kept on going and my feelings never stopped and then we called each other and holy f*** that didn’t help my feelings. You sounded so perfect I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t help but giggle so much I hope that didn’t blow my cover. And today I accidentally sent you a ‘will you be my valentine?’ TikTok I wish I didn’t take it back. I wish you would’ve said yes. But that’s not in the cards for me. In the end it’s all an ‘I wish’. In the end you like girls while I don’t identify as one. In the end you had a crush on the girl in your dance group who had a crush on the barista. Just know that if I could have anything in the world it would be laying on top of you watching a show holding hands and kissing your cheek. I love you Wayward though I know you can never return those feelings.
