I know it is bad that I can’t help myself but to fell madly in love with this guy that must not be. He is my friend since 2018. He didn’t know I am in love with him and he should not know it because he’s already married to a beautiful woman of his life. I was surprised because he was newly married to his wife only this year of Pandemic. It’s hard because I promised to myself that I will not fall for him no matter what therefore I decided to conceal it forever. We were both here in a foreign country and we’re workmates, we’re both far away from our parents and country land. He is married and far away from his wife and me, I am still single. I just want to express my feelings coz I can’t take it any longer and my chest might gonna explode anytime if I didn’t express it. The reason why I fell in love with this guy is because I saw everything my mind and heart wanted from a man of my dreams, since he lives next door, we both are seeing each other everyday and often exchanging foods. Until one day he asked me for a massage but I just delayed it for 2 days since my schedule of work is hectic. So then in return to his kindness, i decided to visit him coz he invited me and have a lot of conversations exchanging opinions and sharing of thoughts. He cooked food and I ate, and so on so forth. Then he went to bed and I have started to massage him, Nothing happened in bed. Just a pure massage. Then I suddenly fell asleep on his bed for a few hours and I am unaware that we both hugged each other that night and I feel so awkward but it feels really good. My heart beats faster and such like there is an electricity flowing in my nerves. I’ve heard his heart beats faster too. Then we kissed. Then afterwards I told him that I should go back to my apartment because I have a work tomorrow so I should sleep early. On the 3rd day, I went again to massage him but he kissed me and we both ended up naked together. In return to his kindness and because I am in love with him, I responded to what my heart told me. One night stand happen between us but in the end I realized It was just me who truly has a feeling for him. So that night I ended the stupidity my heart feels. Until now I was trying to avoid him and responding to all of his whatsapp messages. Coz for me it is for the better. I don’t want to ruin their vows of his wife. That’s why I let him go immediately. That’s the very least thing I should do as a self respect and respect to his wife. I will always love him afar.. I am hoping I could still meet someone better, someone who deserves me and someone who could love me just the way I am. 🥺
