I love you Nathan. More than anything. You’re depressed because circumstances are keeping you and her apart. You don’t realize I feel the same way you do.

16 years

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I love you Nathan.
More than anything.
You’re depressed because circumstances are keeping you and her apart.
You don’t realize I feel the same way you do.
Only it’s different, because I knew you first.
I loved you first.
And you never loved me.
But you can cry over her and wait for her, whatever you want.
Just know that I’ll do the same…
Cry for you, wait for you…
love you with everything I have.
Some say that I’m young, that I’ll forget all about you.
But even my mom, normally a skeptic of the validity of teenage “love”
thinks that you’re going to ALWAYS be the guy I’d leave anyone for.
Not even she thinks I’ll ever find it in my heart to forget about you.
I don’t care what people say.
I may be young, but what I feel is real.
You are the only one for me. You’re the only one who makes me feel anything anymore.
You’re the one who has made me into everything I am.
I am different, better for having met you, for having loved you.
I just wish you could see this, could read it anonymously and suspect it to be me
To know deep down that it really is
so I don’t have to ruin everything by telling you.
I know it’s not what you want to hear.
And I’ll ruin any chance I may have by dropping it on you while you’re so wrapped up in her.
But if you could see this, the only identifying mark a number, it would be ok.
Because if you don’t want to hear it at all, your mind won’t let you realize that this is me, talking about you.
But if there’s any chance at all, if your heart and mind could handle it… you would know… and do with it what you will.
Again, with all my heart and soul, I love you Nathan.
And if you want her, if she’s what makes you happy, don’t you dare let her go.
I’d rather live an eternity alone than to be the one who wishes happiness from you.
I would never ever hurt you. I would rather die than cause you pain.
You are my heart, my soul, my everything, my best friend.
If only you knew…

New Confession

I met my friend in August of 2022. We met over a fandom for a YouTuber we both liked, we’d talk, shade headcanons, write, and the like. She was wonderful. She was perfect, so sweet and kind, loving, caring, passionate. Of course I fell in love with her.

Something in my mind at some point, I don’t know where, just seemed to break. I saw her as this absolutely perfect, flawless angel. Someone above me, someone above feeling the ways I do, someone so perfect she couldn’t possibly be upset by me. So I put more and more on my angel. She can’t feel bad, she’s perfect. It’s wrong, but that’s how my mind was working. I still see her as someone so beautiful and amazing.

I professed my love to her. She didn’t want it. But I pushed her on, continually telling her I loved her, over and over again professing my feelings and pretty much BEGGING for her to love me back. She didn’t want it yet I pressed on, spamming her with love declarations at LEAST weekly, hoping that maybe someday she’d change her mind.

But that’s not even the end of it. No, she was either perfect or evil to me. And whatever set me to treating her like my perfect savior angel, it all came crashing back down in reverse. All over YouTube drama. The moment she did something I didn’t perceive as perfect, I snapped. That YouTube channel we both like had been called out for being an abuser and I said it was unacceptable to keep watching and giving exposure to him, she said I should just let people enjoy things. I made an angry post about how everyone who liked that channel was enabling his abuse, got banned from the community, and I was desperate to come back. They were my only friends.

I made an alt account to pretty much stalk my angel, I was jealous and controlling and paranoid over her finding someone better than me and leaving me now that she was upset at me. I joined back in the servers I wasn’t allowed in. I listened in to a call she was in. At the same time, I was messaging her on my main account, pretty much yelling at her about how she’s funding and platforming an abuser. On my alt, I would act all sweet, I knew my relationship with her was already ruined so I thought if I became someone else, someone better, someone ideal, she’d love me.

This was the end for us. She found me out and completely cut me off, then later I was sent a document detailing everything I’ve done and that I abused her, broke her mentally, and made it so she can’t trust anyone anymore.

Reddit . Com / u / Raincandy-Angel

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