I have spent the last few years in a fog. I do love my husband but I am not so sure that I am in love with my husband anymore. He is a wonderful man but my heart wants more love and affection than he is willing to give. I often wonder why I am not good enough for him to love me like he used to. I often wonder what if we got a divorce, would we both be happier. Valentine’s day brings out all the people who seem so in love and it often reminds me of the emptiness I feel inside
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It is hard to keep affection up front and personal, as life has a way of getting in the way and putting priorities in different baskets and not always good ones.
Sometimes it is better to stay where you are comfortable because becoming single, especially as we get older, does not come easy and you could easily end up alone and without any friends at all.
The truth of the matter is that when you are married all of your friends are married too.
When you become single, you are shunned by all of your married friends, because you represent a threat to their marriages, if their respective partner was inclined to stray, with you.
Being single is not easy, because you have to find friendship amongst those single others, who for whatever reason, did not have a marriage which lasted and then you have to find them wherever they hang out, to become part of that hopeless scene, as we single are to a certain extent damaged goods with problems which probably caused the ends of our marriages, which we carry on with us, like a snail with its shell.
With the internet, iphones and apps, there is a growing base of Catfish, people who want to defraud you of your emotions and money and anything else they can gather from you without any risks to themselves and at days end, there seems to be a dwindling market of acceptable people who you might be fortunate to meet and want a relationship with.
You need to look at yourself, nude in the mirror and do a clinical assessment of what your body looks like and what your face looks like and then ask yourself would you want to be with a body and face like that, if you were the opposite sex and looking for love.
If your reply is no, then what have you really got to offer, which someone wants, bearing in mind that primarily, sex will be expected and if you don’t contribute to the sex which you have, but lay there like a sack of potatoes, then that is not going to cut it with anyone.
What your husband accepts, is what he has become comfortable with and you are fortunate that his expectations have changed since you were much younger, but as a single person, you have to sell yourself and your body all over again to find your opposite, whose looks might not be all you could have hoped for, because as we get older, we all tend to sag as gravity does its thing with us and not always for the best.
If you leave your relationship, how will your property and assets be divided in what will be an acrimonious and often savage breakdown of your love and care for each other and will there be enough, alone, for you to have a life without needing to work to sustain life and if you do have to work, will the work be there for you, when you have to compete with much younger people who will work longer hours and for less, because their needs are much less than your own and what happens when you get older and your body starts to fail, if you don’t have the ongoing medical expenses which your marriage hopefully provided for you, cost wise, on top of rent, food, gas, electricity, car rego and maintenance, car insurance, fair wear and tear on your clothes, you and everything you own, which you have to contribute to, to sustain a reasonable quality of life and future expectations when you retire and can sustain that level of living until you die, which could be in your 90’s if you have looked after your body without smoking and alcohol, which will probably chop your life down to 55 – 65 tops.
I speak from a position of being single and knowing the hurdles first hand.
Be careful what you wish for, the grass is very rarely greener on the other side of the fence, when you look back, too late and discover how much greener it was on the side where you were before.
The above is a little right. Women change as we get older so a makeover can help.The same clothes and makeup when we wereyoung doesn’t work as we get older. People can drift apart or sttle into a rut as they grow older. It’s really just a question of acknowledging this and starting over with a new phase.
Makeover – you can’t make a silk purse out of a sows ear.
Makeup – as a man, if I went out with a woman wearing makeup, I’d wonder what she was hiding underneath the makeup and for that matter, why she needs to hide herself under a mask at all, after all, we men don’t wear a mask, so why should you?
In an ideal world, you might have an affair with a younger man who would give you the spark which you are missing with your dull lifetime partner, however, if he ever found out about it, then in all probability you would be separated, divorced and stripped of financial and material assets, because it is still a man’s world, to a certain extent and the shame would be on you, for having a bit on the side and not him and your kids would probably choose sides and you might miss out there too.
Single might come at a terrible price and you have to reconsider if the price you have to pay, would be worth the cost in the long run and the loss of all of your married friends – I think not.
I’m in a sexless relationship and I miss the sex, but I love skinny women and in my age range, they are very few and far between, so I eventually settled for an obese 150kg woman who ticked all of my boxes, with the exception of sex, because I did not want to live on my own and I was thus presented with an otherwise perfect companion, she is 6 months older than me, so why not, now some 5 years happily together.
Sex with a skinny woman with no strings, sure, why not – but not going to happen, not ever.
Getting older comes with its limitations and when you accept that, it is a lot easier to miss out on some things, for the overall pleasure of company and security and hopefully love too, as we grow older in retirement. Shrug
“In a perfect world”, but not this one……..
learned a new word today – “Polyamorous” – perhaps that’s what you should be and have your cake and eat it too.
Just make sure that hubby does not get to read your blurb on the home computer, your computer if he knows your password, iphone or anything else – perhaps have a secret phone for illicit meets which you keep offsite to your home and where he never has reason to go.