I think I made the wrong choice. I was in a bad place for a long time as I was getting over a guy who I never even got with and just when it felt like I was getting my life back together again and was feeling happier in myself a colleague from work would not stop pestering me to go out with him. I wasn’t keen to because at that point I was satisfied that I thought I was better off alone and maybe even meant to be single. This guy would not stop pestering me though and I could see that he had honest intentions so I gave in, I gave him a chance and I gave myself a chance of some real happiness. We have been together now for over 4 years and generally get on well even though we haven’t got much in common other than our blunt opinions, we have a laugh and can be honest with one another. He has been p****** me off lately because he doesn’t contribute enough with the housework and doesn’t see sense about our pet cat who should really go to a better home and other niggling things like that. Recently I met someone at work who has shattered my idea I could not feel intensely about someone ever again and it is making me question everything, I mean, I don’t intend to get with this guy because I am a loyal person, I can gather from things he has said that what he wants in a relationship is something I could not give anyway where as my boyfriend and I, though he loves me more than I love him we are good together and we both want the same things, but it just bothers me that I can’t love him as intensely and maybe we shouldn’t be together.
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Sounds like you may feel guilty about it which you shouldn’t feel, when you are with someone there is going to be people around you have feelings for, you can look but don’t touch! Can you be friends with him?
Not sure, I want us to be friends, best friends even. I don’t have many in my life, I want to really get to know him and be there for him you know… but I think he sees us as work friends. :/
It sounds to me like you let your boyfriend into your life because you probably felt like ‘at last, someone cares, no one else does’ sort of thing, nothing wrong with that, as you say, you let happiness in and you’re not exactly selfish for that. The fact you both want the same things is good and as the other person who commented who said you can be in a relationship but still have feelings for someone, just don’t act upon them and if you think that you’re going to or you get closer to that person then be up front with your boyfriend for everyones sakes.
Yeah, I still can’t help but feel selfish and guilty though, I’ve never felt so bad before. Me and my boyfriend are in a long term committed relationship and I will honour that, he did propose to me but when we have talked about it we have found it is something we don’t really agree on but that does not effect our commitment to one another, one of the reasons he chose me was because he could tell I wasn’t someone to just go off and fuck another guy and I would certainly never do that. I think maybe I should just get some distance between me and this guy, I don’t know. I want to express that he means a lot to me but i’m rubbish at that, I had pictured that with Christmas coming up I was going to make him a special bread based on a recipe from his homeland but can’t afford that so i’m sticking with a card and I had hoped i’d be able to express that I am thankful for his light, his energy and that I give him my friendship and he is welcome at our home any time, to chill or talk.