I have fantasies of being the best im everything. Call it narcissism or what but I like it. I am secretly jealous to people who can do everything. I’m hungry for knowledge and I wish to know how to do everything.

One more thing, I don’t like my parents. I don’t know why but I recall that since childhood, my mother would beat me up if I ‘act’ dumb in my schoolwork which lead to me despising her. My dad, well, is an alcoholic and I find him yucky.

My sis beats me, too. I became numb from the experiences that I don’t care anymore. I just want to drill in their skulls that I can do everything but how if I don’t have the means of financial support?

I wish I have money, get away from them and live a new life, even fake my own death and live under a constructed identity. Finding work in this country is hard just to tell you.