I quite enjoy not feeling much anymore. Behavioral medicine is underrated. The burden of constant crippling anxiety and depression being lifted is very gratifying. Not that any of that mattered anymore recently, I’ve already come to terms with being a loser, so why should it matter anymore?
Sure my motivation to live and exist is nonexistent, but I’m not exactly suicidal anymore so that’s a plus. Never mind people my age are off buying houses while I have never even owned a car. I don’t care anymore. Never mind my friends are off getting married with respectable careers. Their life, their business. Never mind my own lifelong dreams of writing books and performing my own music have crumbled to dust. No big deal. Never mind my little bro, star of the family, is off studying physics at a top university while I just work in minimum wage retail. Its ok, its fine. Never mind I’m always told my creative hobbies and interests are pointless and a waste of time. Everyone has their own opinion right? Never mind my home town is trying to destroy landmarks I put my heart and soul into preserving and showcasing. What can you do?
I am but a mere human being living in a world greater than myself that will always choose to do whatever it damn well pleases regardless of my feelings or my involvement. I don’t matter, and that’s ok.
It’s ok,it doesn’t matter much to me anymore. I rather prefer not having emotions these days.
