(I am Male and 16 years old) I come from a very religious and… well, homophobic family. My parents, particularly, don;’t approve of anything LGBTQ + related whatsoever.
Over the last year, I think i’ve had a affectionate/ platonic crush on my best friend, let’s call him Monty.
Monty and I have been friends for a long time, and have been best friends since the end of 9th grade.
Now, Monty doesn’t know about these feelings I’ve been having, and I just wish I didn’t have them in the first place. Not only because he’s straight and he’s my BFF, but because I have serious internalized homophobia from how I was raised.
I hate hate hate the fact that I have feeling for a guy. If god forbid anyone in my family finds out, I may as well take my bike, school supplies, and move out.
I just want these fucking feelings to leave me so I can be at peace with myself. I can’t stand this bullshit.
It makes me depressed at night sometimes because it’s stupid.
I just have a completely affectionate feeling for him. Maybe not even kissing and definitely nothing sexual.
Ugh, this is one of the biggest reasons I dislike myself.