I had an affair with a married man off and on for over a year.

Let me start at the beginning. I am 23 year old female now and when I was 19 I was working at a grocery store. A new shift manager started he was 26 and we became friends (only at work) he gave me rides home occasionally because I usually walked to work which was only a few blocks from my house. Nothing ever happened. Just harmless flirting. But I always had a crush on him.

I found out he was engaged and going to be married the next September. Of course I went to the wedding with a few guys from work. I mean we were friends, right? I ended up loving his new wife, she’s a great woman and very down to earth and had a great sense of humor.

2 years later still working at the same store. He had since become the dairy manager and I had become a scanning coordinator. Our flirting hadn’t stopped and we also worked with each other more often. but that is all it was. One night he invited me out with himself and a few of the other managers and guys he hung out with (including his brother who also worked nights at the store and who i’d become friends with). It was fun we had a few drinks and food and then at the end of the night he and his brother ended up at my house for a couple more drinks. I kind of new that his brother had some feelings for me. We had hung out a few times before and just watched movies but I am not attracted to him. When we were drinking at my place we decided to play truth or dare. (Me, my roommate, and the two guys) Of course he dared me to kiss every one in the room and knowing that it was just so he could kiss me without it “meaning anything” I chose to kiss him last and it was obvious to everyone that it last longer and was more intense than the other pecks i had delivered. My roommate is not fond of cheaters and soon after that she decided it was about time to end the night… being the least drunk she thought it would be best, i was however upset at the time, but she was right to do so. I told her i was going to go downstairs and have a smoke with the guys before they left. He sent his brother out to the car without us and we made out in the hall and if my roommate hadn’t started coming down the stairs to see where i was we probably would have had s** right there in that stairwell (clothes were starting to be removed). It was exciting and scary and such a turn on. I loved it!
We went out a few more times with the cover of one of his friends at work. The three of us would go out for drinks and then his friend would “have to go home” and we would end up somewhere parked and going at it. It was amazing s**. And the thought of anyone at all finding out was so exciting. The best time was at our store christmas party in his hotel room. We just disappeared and came back to the party at different times. Just thinking about the risk makes my heart race now.

The affair only ended because he got a new job that was closer to his home town. And I know that is what he’d been wanting for a few years. I’m happy for him and the life and family he has started. I know I should feel bad about what happened. He was less than a year into his marriage when it started. And had just fathered a gorgeous baby with his wife. I don’t feel bad. I am glad that she never found out. I wouldn’t want her to hate me. I miss him though. I haven’t seen him for almost a year. I still talk to his brother every once in awhile. I don’t even feel bad about hurting his brother’s feelings. And since I don’t feel bad that makes me think sometimes that i don’t have any morals. But even that doesn’t bother me because I liked him so much and I really had a great time with him. And to be honest if he called me up tomorrow I’d go see him in a second.