I’m worried about intimacy with my new boyfriend. We’ve been on four dates and he still won’t hold my hand. He’s shy and inexperienced and needs more time and wants to take things slow but I’m worried he’ll just never be ready. I tried to ease him into physical contact with very light affectionate touching such as hugs. Also as friends I often ruffled and messed with his hair and I started to do this slower, running my hands through it. He seems to really enjoy this and will close his eyes and lean back at my touch and sigh a little. Clearly he likes to be touched in this manner. This started to happen around the end of the second date and I thought I could take it up one step and hold his hand on the third date only to be suddenly refused and told he needed more time. I was hurt but agreed. I’ve been his best friend for over a year and love him dearly and have for a long time and now that he’s finally mine, I desperately want to show it but these things are new to him and make him uncomfortable. I backed off as I deeply value consent but felt a little concerned by it. He said he needed to go slower despite the fact that things were really very tame. I accepted this. I saw him again on date 4 and was cautious not to encrouch on his space. I barely touched him and he seemed okay. It was still a little painful to think my touch was unwanted but I respected him. Only I’m starting to worry about how we can eventually get close. I don’t care if I don’t make love to him years and years from now, it’s not s** itself that matters to me despite the fact that I’ve done it and do miss it a bit. I love him and want to have a physical relationship with him, even if that just meant to hold one another tenderly as i am just a cuddly sweetheart, and I don’t mind waiting a long time but what I’m fearing is.. It never happens? It seems people can only get to the comfort level of snuggly stuff if they start with light stuff like holding hands but I’m not allowed to do that with him and he certainly won’t intiate that kind of contact on his own…. he wont let me ease him in and he’s too afraid to do anything himself.. if I can’t touch him and he won’t touch me.. It’s just never going to happen. Anyone that’s been intimate knows you only really get used to it by gradually trying little things, until they seem normal. You have to act. You’ll never really wrap your head around it mentally, it has to be experienced. How can I help him get comfortable with the idea of it if I can’t touch him in even the slightest Way? ?

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