I’m a sick ugly person inside, most people like me would deny it but for me after a couple years I’ve accepted it. I hate myself for it because I wish I was normal, god I f****** fantasize about it. It’s not easy putting up a front so everyone thinks I’m normal. I have urges and needs that I can never get. Sometimes I fantasize about everyone on earth dying and I’m the only one left so I don’t have to hide anymore.
But sadly that will never happen.
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Your not alone. Seriously you aren’t some of the time the thoughts that go through my head are ranging for extremely weird to well honestly morbid as f***. I admittedly have mentally issues and a history of abuse as a child. But I know regardless of what anyone tells me I am not normal by societies standards. I can put on the mask and fake it but its exhausting. And i’d rather be alone than have to pretend. I have been pretending and trying to get “better” only to have my friend tell me that my mental health is a convenient excuse to pretend that somethings wrong when I have nothing to be depressed about. But this is the same person who has used the fact that I was raped and beaten as a child against me. Telling me that he wonders if I asked for it or was willing. Sigh… as long as you aren’t in to hurting kids or animals etc than who the f cares what people want. Be you. Do you want to dress as a furry? Call yourself a unicorn? are you into bdsm? or i don’t know what you feel you have to hide but if its not truly hurting yourself or anyone than be you. If you are a blunt person and don’t want to be pc and hide your thoughts say em. Do you. Be yourself. Give yourself time to breathe and just be. Because honestly suppressing yourself is not a good thing. No offense meant to anyone except my previously mentioned “friend” because he’s an asshole who has said some f***ed up things to me and my family. Sending you a lot of digital positive vibes if you want them… and if not maybe some solace in knowing you are not alone.