I know that I don’t want him in my future. I want to break up but I am scared of being alone. I have tried for years, giving it every single penny and emotion I could but this relationship is toxic. The only way it would work is if he changed. And he refuses to admit that calling me hateful things ranging from F*** Stain to Even if I ignore is tendency to be verbally abusive or the fact that he willingly causes me emotional pain because he is manipulative and wants to. The few good times we have are ruined by the fact that he never gives anything back. I hate how he spends every penny he has on weed and then begs me to buy him food or to send him money. Im tired of bailing him out of those situations especially since he goes between giving me ultimatums, spewing verbal hatred about myself and my family. When they have done more for him then even his own. He refuses to admit he has a problem and has literally tried to convince me that I am crazy because i refuse to accept him calling me a b****, ho, stupid telling me to he hates me, im disgusting, he hopes i die, that i need to be beat, that he wants to stab me. Its definitely toxic because it can happen over just me wanting to spend five minutes alone to read a book. Or if I don’t answer him. Hes become a combination of smothering and toxic obsessive that showcases how unforgiving of a person he truly is. I can feel the resolve building in me each time he hurls his vile words in my direction. Each time he starts a fight because I just want to be alone in my own company. He’s constantly giving me ultimatums and I have warned him this is the end. That he destroyed our relationship because he refuses to admit he has a problem. I know I am not perfect but he is the kind of person who purposely angers someone just so he can scream at them for being upset. The kind of person who says the cruelest things using personal past traumas against me. I have been pushed to the point of tears so much that these last few days his words only sting and I am numb. I know he is not right for me. I fear being alone and leaving him alone because I know he would be starving and homeless if I never met him. But I feel like mentally and even physically he is unhealthy for me.