I used to purge all of my food. I stopped because I had anxiety about a doctor’s appointment. Its been months since the doctor’s appointment and I have only thrown up a few times. Then my parents got divorced. Now, since my dad lives with my grandma (at the house I used to throw up at every night) I can’t do it anymore. And I still have the habits of over drinking, throwing up in my mouth, and over-eating. I just don’t throw up and I have gained so much weight and I am craving any chance to purge. This makes me so ashamed, I cannot stand myself.
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You’ve got a beast of a problem and you’re not going to walk out of it overnight. Please, do what I did and arm yourself with an arsenal of people and techniques to help you get through each day, forget the weight for now, just concentrate on not vomiting (I stopped over a year ago and while I haven’t gained any weight, I still struggle because my body isn’t “perfect”) Find a therapist, and commit to, say, 3-6 months with them. Call the hotline and tell them you’re bulimic, which is a form of suicide. They talk to me even though i don’t happen to be thinking of suicide but just trying to connect with a human being that day. 1-800-273-8255
I am there with you, i understand…pugring blows, and the urge-to-purge blows harder sometimes. xoxo