I’m 14 and I’m having a hard time living.
We’re not poor, but we’re not rich either.
Although me and my family sometimes struggle financially, that’s not the only thing that makes me feel like this.
I want to leave but I don’t want to go anywhere.
Everyday, I feel like things get more clearer to me.
Or maybe its a sign that I’m growing up.
I started noticing things that child me never saw. Things that the younger version of me shouldn’t ever think about herself. I started overthinking things, telling myself that my parents are human, too. I started realizing HOW EVERYONE IS human, too. They make mistakes, they don’t know everything, and they feel pain, too. Just like me.

On January 1, 2023 I plan on ending everything. I’m sorry but I’m not. I’m scared but I’m tired. But before that I will have to make sure that I will leave some good things behind, I will make sure I get high honors this year. I will try to make my parents proud for the last time. I actually feel bad because this isn’t the original plan. I actually plan on doing it after when I turned 18 and when I made my parents prouder than ever. But I’ve thought about it, it will just be a waste, isn’t it? Imagine spending your money for a kid who’s mentally unstable and is actually planning on killing herself after she turns 18. I really want to make them proud, I really want to make them think that “hey, we did it. we raised a very good daughter!” but day by day I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive or this is something serious but I don’t want to think about that anymore. I feel like I’m in pain but I can still laugh with my friends and my family. I feel alone, I feel like I’m not seen but at the same time I feel like everyone’s always looking at me. Watching my every move, I’m just 14, is this normal? I’m really sorry to my family but I’m actually more sorry to the younger version of me. She dreams to be an architect one day. I didn’t know it will end this way. I feel like anytime I can break and I’m always working, always putting up a fake face I’m not really sure anymore. I just hope that I won’t survive the overdose and after my death they’ll eventually move on from their life. But I’ve read a comic where the guy killed himself and his family is still mourning even after years later. So I’m