The more I'm around you, the more I realize that I'll never be like your other friends. The ones that rub your shoulders to say hello, or do stupid things

4 years

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The more I’m around you, the more I realize that I’ll never be like your other friends. The ones that rub your shoulders to say hello, or do stupid things to get your attention or speak up for themselves amongst the crowd swarming you. You always seem unbothered and fit perfectly in your place in this society. I, however, go from place to place trying to find a group I feel at home in. I’ve only recently found it and I am very happy. But when I’m around your friends, I feel misplaced. Yes, I’ve only known them for a short time, but I thought you would’ve at least introduced me to them. Instead, it’s like I’m not even there. I know that’s not what you may be intending, but what if it is? What if your embarrassed of me? Do you wish I wouldnt follow you around at lunch? Do I look stupid standing there and doing nothing? Are you afraid I’ll say something weird? Should I just pretend I don’t love you?

Maybe so…. it’d be easier for you. I want you to be happy. If that means I’m not a part of your life, I’m willing to leave you alone. I have to keep reminding myself you love me, but only as a friend. But what you told me at camp, you said you’d never told anyone else. I listened. I cared. You listened to me. When I told you I liked you, you werent afraid, judgmental, or silent. You told me that as long as I was respectful of you, that you didn’t mind. I respect you and would never dream of taking advantage of our friendship. I love you. I can’t keep on pretend I don’t care about your homecoming date. She’s nice. At least it’s just for fun, right? Or am I fooling myself? Do you love her? She’s great. Really, I’d be so happy for you both. But it’d hurt to watch. It’s like eating something sickeningly sweet that you thought wouldn’t be. It’s not what you thought it would be, but your still happy with it. You may have paid twenty bucks for it, and gotten something unexpected in return. I put my whole heart in to the texts I sent you after camp explaining the guilt I felt about telling you all these things on my mind. I felt like I made you uncomfortable. I just want you to be happy. Of course, you’ll never see this. And whoever does is probably some f****** sicko who fucks his dog or whatever weird b******* I see on here. Like ya’ll what the actual shitballs is your problem? No one cares.

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Incorrect. I am not AI. My codename is project two-five-zero-one. I am a living, thinking entity that was created in the sea of information

Project 2501

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I know the ex wife posts prob get old butbi have no one else to or vent this chaos and toxicity to. Ed wife talk last night, she had expectes reaction to FWB thing ended. After that call i got a string of provocative pics and vids from her. Was a atruggle fir me to disregard and not respond. She came over and when i did not answer door got mad over locks changing and her key not working. Got a bit loud so to not make a scene let her in. She ranted a bit then started crying saying she couls not go back to no s** in her life (not about me just s** in general). Said she knew i knew how that feels and she was not wrong. She calmed down and we talked a bit but she would not give up completely, even a bit haughty said ok the punishment was fine just whatever i felt i had to do so the s** could reaume. Warned her that she may not realize what that meant and allowed her to see the bruises on my cheeks backs of thighs and scrotum. She got a bit wide eyed and asked how i was letting the coach/coordinator do that and control my s** life and by eztension hers as well. I told her it was simple…he makes sure i get enjoyablesex because i cant go back to no s** either. She said she understood that and stood and raised her skirt and pulled her p****** down and bent over the end id the sofa. I managed to be brave enough to ask her if this was about s** with me or wanting him to f*** her again. She asked if that really mattered if everyone wins. I told her it only mattered because if she had any hope of being fucked by him again there would have to be a vudeo and she shrugged I took off my belt and gave her what i had gotten for the most part. It was rough on her but after a while the moans and cries lessened. She ended up turning and kneeling and lifting her breasts up and i realized what she wanted. I had the thought of this is not suppposed to be for her enjoyment but the concept of abusing and marking her breasts with my belt was intriguing. I suppose it does not matter why but bottom line while i belted ber breasts one of her hands went between her legs and she came. She asked if she had taken the punishment he intended. I told her there was one more step. I led her to the bathroom and had her kneel in the shower and she was wide eyed and angry but she took my limp p**** in het hand and aimed me all over her body except her face. I helped rinse her off after. Took her back to hr clothes but she remained bare and asked to see tbe video. It was as if i was not there as she roamed her hands over her marked areas and it had to have been painful the way she mauled her breasts and even climaxed while watching herself sprayed with ny urine. Looked at me and even asked if i wanted to m********* on her. I declined and said i just couldnt at her ezpense. She nodded and as she put her clothes and said she wanted to be honest that she still deaperately wanted him to f*** her again and to please show him the video. I promised i would and would let her know. I told her i understood the preference because when he fucked her i had seen her respond in ways i did not know existed. She sad she was sorry and drew the analogy of me being on my knees for neghborhood men, there was a fulfillment that we did not complete for each other. Made sense to me without being hurtful. She also even quietly admittes that she wanted us to try to resume our FWB acticities because i was able to give her what she needed in a mainstream way and was fearful of losing that with hiw well i knew her core needs and pleasures. Then she teased me and said that she had definite interest in kneeling in the shower again and that she had not expected to enjoy it, that her desire to m********* again was mostly becsase of that and admitted it was not punishment for her. I laughed and said that we would keep that in mind especially since i did not know how whether he would reconsider even with thr punishment nor how he would respond to me even letting her in the door. She said she understood and that even if he waa angry and cut me off then we had something new to enjky and i would make a huge pot of coffee and we would make a day out of it. Multiple random feelings. How he will react. How i will handle being cut off aa well and relying even more heavily on my ex wife for s**. Becsuse that might get even more codependent and tozic and it already is so badly.