I’ve been reading up on the topic of friends who always seem to try to compete with you. I had a friend many years ago, I could never put my finger on it with this guy. He was a well liked person, loads of friends, outgoing, and I am the opposite. I am not a competitive person, I don’t go out of my way to be above anyone that’s not my goal in life, I’m just looking out for me and I am extremely selective in the people I choose to be around or let in, I never have a lot of friends at any given time. People are not people to me. Some people rub me the wrong way but this friendship got to the point where I had enough and decided to go in another direction in life just the same as some of my long time friends did at that time. Naturally. We all need to grow up and carry ourselves sometime.. I guess I ended the friendship without much of a fuss. Unceremoniously.

I have had plenty of time to think about my reasons for this, I chalked it up to I was irritated by this guy. It reached a boiling point. That simple. It had gotten to the point where I was just irritated by him. “Irked” as someone else said on here last night about someone. Good word. I also needed to find some kind of path of my own, on my own that I could go down which would offer me some kind of stability in life, without spending 5 years in school to do it.

I realize now, after a lot of time thinking about it, that irritation the “idk” and unease came from the fact that this guy was toxic towards me. I knew that, but like I said I couldn’t put my finger on it and diagnose exactly what the problem was. I just was irritated by them and I knew that in order to get on a path that was fullfiling to me, I had to drop this guy. It had gotten to that point. It had to happen then.

I was just reading articles about signs you are in a competitor friendship, and I realized that that was what it was. Not on my part I have always just been me and didn’t really want to be anyone else but for some reason this guy needed to be better than me. If I had it, he wanted it. He would sabotage things too. He did have a jealous envious streak in him.

The worst part, is that after I broke contact and stayed out of sight and away, it didn’t stop. It did for a while, a few years, there was no choice, I was unreachable. I’m starting to have suspicions that guy is worse than ever currently and he’s really been trying to trip me up. I believe he’s a dangerous little mother fucker. But it all comes down to a competitive friendship from a guy who has a streak of jealousy and envy. None of which I have. I am not t a competitive person, never have been. I don’t ever get jealous or envious. That’s truth. I believe that if you want something you find a (legal non disruptive to anyone else) way to get it. There is no reason to be jealous or envious of anyone else. Nothing is anything you can’t attain yourself, properly in a non corrupt way.

I’m thinking this guy is pretty much the root of most of my problems since I quit hanging around him which was a really long time ago. He’s relentless. My mistake was probably not laying it down to him the reasons why we can’t be friends. I just kind of quit and walked away. I’m not even sure if I had it would have turned out any different. I also think he was kind of a parasite in certain ways too. I didn’t have much, not as many friends, I wasn’t as outgoing, but what little I did have was good. It was quality not quantity. He wanted to be near that. I think he still does. I believe that, which is why I’ll do my best to maintain distance from this guy. Nothing has changed and I was right. This guy would be a detriment to my overall well being especially my mental well being. I don’t actually believe he has the kind of power to be as toxic as he was back in the day, currently. People see it. They’re not stupid. Neither of us is what we used to be, but he does have the power to be disruptive and mess things up.

Reading the signs of a competitive friendship rang some bells. I have no place for that kind of toxicity.