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If someone, a man, is nowhere to be found, they are not in touch with you, they are clearly doing everything they can the stay out of sight and most importantly have made it clear to you that they want nothing to do with you, I agree with the other poster. Leave them alone and move on. That “I refuse to let someone wait to die” s*** is a b******* excuse to keep hanging on to something that is already gone. Find someone who is more eager to be around you. People are people. There’s billions all over the world. There really is plenty of fish in the sea. They are all around you. Accessable. You don’t need one specific person. We all have multiple compatible people out there. You just need to find them or one.

We also all need to start taking people and their actions and what they say as real. I do, a lot of people don’t say what they mean or mean what they say or do. Personally I do. I am straight forward and nothing is a game, I mean it, but in my experience a lot of people like to f*** around and waste time with tests and games. Don’t do that and take what people say and do as their legitimate selves. Yes means yes and no means no.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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