it’s never happened before, it feels so hard, so unfair. why you, why out of all people did you enter my heart in a different way to the others. from the moment i saw you, i felt a sense of attraction i can’t explain.
at first it was because everyone else were kinda close to you and i wanted that too. but at some point it became more. it started of with jealousy or a feeling i can’t explain rather when you barely reacted to me about not coming to school on that 27th september last year. i wanted you to be more curious, have more interest in my wellbeing. it felt even worse when you called e**a on the first day she didn’t come to school last month and were more concerned. it literally broke my heart. when you wanted to be with others instead, i started questioning whether these feelings were normal for close friends, but i never even experienced this with s** so there’s no way. you made me feel a type of jealousy that i had never experienced before, not with a single person.
i thought i knew what love was, but i didn’t know what it was till i met you. you made me work that day we had the le cr******** maths disp work and it felt so cute when you cared about my school progress. you make me want to be a better person for you. i wish i could reach your expectations, your standards. you made me realise im someone who suffers with internalised heterosexualism, you changed what i thought i was into someone i don’t want to be and someone i can’t help but be. ive adapted to societies new perspectives and it scares me. i know we’re impossible to be together, there’s no chance. you said it yourself, you’re straight for sure and would never date any of your friends. but you do things that raise my hopes and it just breaks me everytime. i don’t want it to stop but it’s not exactly appealing to have my heart broken everyday knowing we’ll never be together. you’re the one person i yearn to see every second of my day. you entered my mind and never left. you’re so cute, you’re so attractively smart, i love the way you approach maths, it’s so fascinating. you fascinate me everyday. when you suddenly have contact with me, even the small things like accidentally brushing yous hand against mine, or when i hold your arm, you make me feel so nervous it’s crazy. i feel as though i revised for an exam and forgot everything, that type of anxiety. when i hug you, or even better, when you hug me occasionally, you awaken those butterflies on my inside. i spend every free with you, knowing i could be doing work because time spent with you is a million times better than time spent doing anything else. when you remember things i’ve said, you give me a type of happiness on the inside i can’t explain. im sorry for being such a bore, i sometimes feel like you secretly hate me so i started giving you some space. that day you made my noodles, and the day you quit being in the library to come to me in the conservatory, i feel like crying sometimes because you’ll never be mine. when you ask me to go with you somewhere or tell me that i’m sweet, you literally make my day. i guess what i want to say is, i’m so crazy in love with you, it drives me insane. it’s nearly been 4 months of my one-sided unrequited attraction, but it’s ok. i wouldn’t trade our relationship, our laughs, our moments, for anything. i love you n**h*t*a, you’re my world and the one i want to make happy the most <33
