The past is so hard to let go of. Part of the reason I write these things anonymously on a confession site rather than tell you directly is because it’s not your burden. It’s mine. One day, maybe I’ll tell you about the very long period in my life where it seemed like every woman I was attracted to just didn’t feel the same way. Not one, not a couple but many.  It got into my head and stayed there. I’m sure that’s what makes me reject any idea that you might actually care about me.

Last night at dinner so said that of all the zodiac signs, the one you were born under is the least emotional. That seems to be true. You’ve said you’ve never been in love and for the most part you’re not forward with your emotions. That adds a level of difficulty for me, because my insecurity feels like it needs the constant validation. Having been on the other side of that, I know it’s exhausting to try to constantly provide validation to someone so insecure that they will never truly accept any expression you make. It’s never enough. I will not put that on you.

The hard part, bae, is living up to what I said. I said to you I don’t think you’ve ever had anyone in your life who won’t put conditions on helping you. You said there’s no one, not even your family. I said I want to be that to you and you said you hoped so. These are the things I cherish, but I also realize the enormity of that. This is why relationships fall apart: Because one person needs the other to be something other than who they are. That’s what starts fights between people. To accept that you’re not the most emotional girl, that you’re not going to be the girl who constantly — in loud fashion — proclaims her emotions on her sleeve for all to see… that’s a tall f****** order, bae.

At the end of the night when I asked for a kiss, it seemed like you smiled. Those are the things I hold on to. I could daydream about more and different or I can learn how you express who you are and how you feel and be happy with that.

I love you, C