The way I see it, it was just basic common sense if I was important to you. If you had actually loved me, you could never have done any of the things you did. The list is long and crazy and to my credit, I overlooked a lot of it for almost a decade trying to get you back. You ignored me, while at the same time watching me truely suffer in many way, alone,
. I could have died from carelessness, I could have f****** killed myself, the s*** that you did and didn’t do, was f****** crazy. The only way to describe it, f****** crazy. Or you were f****** drunk, but people don’t do that kind of s*** or give people the ammunition to do that kind of s*** to someone you love, who is getting beaten down from that many angles. At the time.

There’s that, but the other thing I was talking about, the connections you made and the bonding you did, with who, while all this was going down, in my opinion, knowing you and knowing human nature, that is never going away. I can’t get past it, and that’s not even bringing into it the connections and bonding made after I was done with it with another group of people 🙂 it’s f****** crazy. F****** crazy.

Basic common sense. If I and what we had was important, if you ever loved me (I don’t think so, even now wanting anything to do with me, there’s something else to it… it’s off) some basic common sense could have preserved things so that if you wanted to ever come back, truely, you have seen what’s out there and you know what we had, we could have been good with some work, it would have been possible. Instead you pulled some idiot s*** you can never take back or get rid of that I will never be able to get past. Stupid and crazy. I am telling you I will never change my mind on it either. Part of it is me knowing you, knowing that, what you picked up, all of it is forever. I don’t believe they will ever let it go, you will ever completely let it go, just like I always knew you would never be able to completely let me go, so I am not, I WILL NOT let you have both. You are not going to have your cake and eat it too with me involved. The only way to ensure that is to refuse to ever have anything to do with you again. I am making the choice. So you can go to them if you need to, knowing you will never have me, and they can have you, who is missing a piece of you that I hold onto permanently. It’s just that little bit of spiteful prick in me. You are not going to get me back in any way physically, emotionally, in any way, be happy, you made amends, you are forgiven, you are good so it’s nice and naughty when you are with them. You’re happy! They are going to take you the way you are and they are the only option. The choice you made. You are them, though. That’s what you need to understand. You are part of them, and I don’t like them. I don’t want to talk to you or be around you. AGAIN, that was your choice. I didn’t even introduce you to any of it. You took it upon yourself, so I hope it was worth it. All of it. It’s a lot. Surely losing me VS all of that is not a big deal?

I would say blame them for being loud mouthed idiots who can’t control themselves BUT looking at it with a clear head, that’s not right. It might be true, I didn’t like them for reasons, none of which were you, but it’s actually entirely your fault for not keeping it and me to yourself and protecting it. Preserve it for later if that was what you wanted. If it was important to you. It’s crazy, IF it was important.