I hate the fact I have lost control over my life. I am not who I want to be and I want to get back on my feet and grow up. I was supposed to graduate 2 years ago and I am still in high school. I am in the same position at 19 as I was at 16 and I want to actually live the life I had previously planned for. I want to be myself again and not have my life controlled by my bad impulses and decisions of my depressed and suicidal younger self. The trauma of my younger years won’t go away and I feel like I am at such a low point in life when these are supposed to be the best years of my life. Its so frustrating!