For most of the past maybe 2-4 years I’ve been mostly alone, and I’ve not hated it. I had friends, both online where we spoke or in person. But after a while, where I was essentially used, another where I became to overbearing, and lost those friends I’ve become less and less interested in people. I’m not sure what to describe it as, but I essentially loose any real want to interact with others, tho for most my life I always wanted that. Not sure if it’s the constant reminder of loosing the ones I thought I loved but so is the effort I would put in each one, and only to be met with another sayorana, farewell and good bye. It got tiring to try and put my best for people but when I did they wouldn’t really do the same, friend or lover wise. Maybe it’s that I feel no matter how hard I try, I fear no one will care and put the same effort I did and do, that I’ll just be betting my all on somewhere with a winning chance of 0.000001
I’m not quite sure how to say it myself.