I really wanted a Mug from Steven Crowders Mug Club. You pay $99 a year and they send you a mug and you support the show. I like the show and think it’s funny so I tried it. Turns out the website they use is owned by Glen Beck and the show is owned by Glen Beck. It’s a really skeevy website that makes cencelation very difficult so I need to call a number tomorrow to have them cancle it and refund me because First there’s no extra content on the mug club. %99 of it is posted on youtube for free and also organised better. 2nd not all of the money goes to the show. A portion of it goes to support other shows and people who I don’t know and might not want to support. 3rd when researching how to get a refund I found alot of information that Steven lies to people and has alot of NDA back room dealings going on and I like full transparancy. Three of his cast memebers were fired for asking for a raise and it was never talked about.

At this point I don’t even want the mug anymore. I was drawn in by a charming personality and the promise of an exclusive item that makes you part of a huge family of people with like minded ideas.

Now it seems like a huge scam. Also I found out I didn’t even subscribe to the correct link and actually am not even a member of mug club because I didn’t use the specific portal link and probably won’t ever recieve a mug.

I feel like an idiot and it’s kind of ruined my whole outlook on the show.

Why doesn’t he host his show on his own website instead of going though some sketchy portal thing. Why doesn’t he tell the truth about what happened to the personalities on his show.

One of his workers held up a sign that said “SCIAL & DPHI” which stands for steven crowder is a lier and doesn’t pay him employees. That workers was fired the next day and they were never spoken about. I thought being a member of the mug club would grant me inside information about stuff like that but all it gives is and extra 15 minutes a week of extended interviews. Also some of his videos are banned on youtube and you can find them on the site but they aren’t any good.

I feel cheated and stupid. I hope I can get a refund tomorrow and forget all about this stupid club. I wish I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for stuff like this but I’m so jaded and indoctrined that watching left wing comidians is impossible at this point. I’m just so angry at everyone with a different view from me and I don’t know what to do.

Also the girl I like won’t break up with her boyfriend even though she complains about him all the time. I feel like she is leading me on. I don’t know how to move on though besides just not talking to her. I was hoping to meet someone else by now but the more women I meet the more I compair them to her and nobody can even compete. I guess I’m not trying hard enough but I dont’ WANT to try. I just want it to be easy and have fate throw my soul mate at me.

I know the best thing I can do it to avoid toxic people and avoid toxic media. Stop spending money on stupid things like 100 doller mugs and just focus on getting myself right but what is the point.

If I get the refund I’ll probably take a break from facebook and multiplayer games.

Also I don’t know if these feelings are my own. I’m taking adderal which is great for focus but also changes me as a person. I feel different for the hours and days after I take it. DIfferent in a bad way. I don’t like the feeling but don’t feel like I have any other options when my job requires me to focus.

I’m sick of negativity on facebook, i’m sick of being strung along in relationships, i’m sick of advertising, i’m sick of global news coverage, i’m sick of behing fat and just getting fatter. I used to run alot and LOVED the runners high it gave me. I did a 10 minute mile today and got a partial high off of it. I think I’ll focus on that.

I’m also sick of behing hungry. I eat so much my stomach hurts but I’m still hungry. I hate it. I have zero self control, zero will power, zero confidence, zero goals and zero plans.

Why am I even alive? To float randomly between anything that pulls me toward it? Advertising wants my money and I give it. Facebook wants my attention and I give it. Sasha wants my devotion and I give it. My stomach wants chocolate and burritos and I give it. Why can’t I just say no, why do I s*** so f****** much. And I feel like I can’t find any help for my problems because guess what? It just leads to more f****** advertising.

I have a passion project. I make games. But I s*** at it, it’s alot of work so nothing great ever gets made. Sometimes I’ll make a quick 5 minute game but there’s no story, no substance. I want to make a game with a story that draws people in, that makes people feel like they are really living out the life of the character, that makes people feel connected and that not the only one that experiences these problems. But I can’t make that game. Because nobody would play it. I’m afraid that nobody would play my game. And even if they did. Even if some random guy did pay $5 and play my game. I’m afraid they wouldn’t like it. Not even enough to leave a rating. People leave ratings on games they like but didn’t LIKE. Games they hoped were good but turned out bad. People don’t rate games that are just plain unremarkable.

I feel like if I tell a story it needs to have structure. To have plot, and beginnning a middle and an end. I don’t want that. I want to tell small stories that give bits and pieces of something much larger. I want the larger picture to tell the story of the fears and regrets that everyone experiences. I want to shock and scare people. I want to make people laugh and feel warm. I want to give people lead up to real conclusions and satifying payoffs. One day i’ll get my s*** together I hope. Or one day i’ll die, leaving behind a mountain of unfinished projects and a whole cast of friends who all knew me in a different way but not the way I wanted them to.