My doctors have failed me.
I’ve been in horrible pain for too long. I’ve needed specialized physical therapy and multiple surgeries. I’m in much pain to live my life.
Worst part? It’s my pelvic area. S** is agonizing. Standing is awful. I’m never free of it.
When I catch a cold I piss and s*** myself every time. When i walk my hips make an awful thunk and crunching sound.
Sometimes I dream of a stranger shooting a cannon through me, completely removing the parts of me that have been disfigured. I wake up happy and relieved that it’s finally over. That even if I’ll never have s** with my spouse or play with my kids or provide for my family that it’s done.
But then I realize it was a dream.
In going to kill myself in seven months, it’s when my insurance runs out and I’ll be stuck with this pain forever.
I am no longer myself and I refuse to live a shell of a life. I want to die before resentment and rage consumes me.
The incident that left me like this was because of my young spirited daughter and I don’t want it to get to the point where I yell at her. She gets mad and bites me when I don’t play with her and every time she does I want to yell and make her cry because she indirectly did this to me. I have to die before my self control fails me. Kids are entitled to be kids, she didn’t know.
I’ve tried medication and therapy. The root of this is the worsening pain and my condition.
I only hope my family will forgive me