I became friends with a transfer student from Japan during my seventh year of middle school. We had all the same hobbies and interests, and even had similar personalities, being childish and carefree. All of our other friends would tease me and her, saying we were gay for each other because of how tight-knit our friendship was. We were always by each other’s side. During sophomore year, some guy who we’ll call M transferred to the school. He developed a crush on my best friend merely because he saw her in the hallways and thought she was beautiful. He just suddenly joined our group of friends, and then within two or three months of knowing my best friend, he asked her out. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel. I had the idea that they were rushing this, and things were happening too fast. I didn’t really have a best friend growing up, and as I spent time with this best friend, I never wanted to leave her side. I wanted to spend everyday with her because she was like a light in my life. Just as I was there to support her, she was there to support me. She was so funny, smart and beautiful. Once M and her started going out, I suddenly started seeing her less and less. He became possessive of her and always took her out on dates during school lunch, and I barely got to talk to her. I know when I’m not wanted, so I tried to leave the two alone. But M would force me to stay by my best friend’s side since she wanted to still be friends with me, despite being oblivious to how distant we’ve gotten with one another. Everytime I saw M and my best friend be romantic, it hurt me. It made me want to cry. That was my best friend, spending time with someone she barely knew instead of me, and then trying to keep me on the side like a permanent third wheel. I felt like she wanted to brag, even though I knew that wasn’t her true intentions. My best friend would continue telling me that we were still tight-knit like sisters, and every time I tried to convince her otherwise, M would force me to make up with her since he hated seeing her upset, and she’d get upset every time I tried to cut ties so I wouldn’t have to put up with all of this. M basically wedged himself into the middle of our friendship, which broke us apart, but then tried to keep us together. I hated the way he treated her. He’d call her things like fat and a dork and dumb, then immediately apologize, then say it again, which would make her upset. Everytime she was explaining a dream of hers or series to me, he’d play the role of the realist and crush her hopes and dreams with facts. Instead of seriously loving her, he just pampers and stalks her and is really possessive, and that’s not love, but she sees it as that. I tried talking with him one time, and M told me that this was the first girl who ever accepted him once he asked them out, and that proves he didn’t and doesn’t know anything about how to truly care for someone. My best friend told me that if I was a guy, she could see herself dating me. She’s extremely religious and isn’t very accepting of LGBT stuff, using her religion as an excuse. But that made me jealous, and it made me mad that even though I am a female, I still care for and love her a lot more than M did. At the time prom came around, I asked her to make some time for me, since I didn’t have a date and really wanted someone to talk to since all my other friends had dates as well. Instead of keeping her promise, M snatched her up for the night, and I spent prom crying in the bathroom. After graduation, she had to move to another state, and we left our relationships on bad terms, with my best friend thinking we’re still tight-knit while I hate her for ignoring me but want her to pay attention to me and be my best friend again, while guy M thought him and I were friends while I hated his guts and wished he’d just disappear. And that leads us to today, where a different friend of mine who we’ll call J visited. J confessed that before M was ready to ask my best friend it, J jokingly warned him that I might steal my best friend as my girlfriend before M could get to him. So the whole time, M thought I was his rival in love, and was trying to keep me away, but my best friend wanted me to stay with her so she could be happy. So the whole time, he was trying to fend me off while keeping me close. I talked to both of them online tonight, and I’m not even sure what to feel anymore. I’ve been questioning​ my s******** too, and I probably had feelings of love for my best friend. I liked everything about her, and supported and care for her, and I still do. She’s all I think about because I miss her so much. I just want to see and hug her and spend time with her again, without interruptions. But she and guy M are still in their ‘relationship’, and she’s in another state while I’m here. Without her here, I’m having a hard time fitting in, I’m barely making friends, and I just want her back, even though I never want to see her face again since she willingly ignored me to spend time with guy M without objecting and saying she wanted to spend time with me instead. She’d always make it seem like she was the victim in the whole situation, and then I’d feel guilty for getting mad at her and apologize, even though she continued hurting me by promising to spend time with me, then go on a date with guy M during the time we were supposed to hang out. It’s unhealthy, and it hurts, and I’m stuck loving the memory of her before guy M walked into my life and ruined everything. I just want the best friend I used to know back, and I want her to love me just as much as I love her, and forget that guy M ever existed. And with the way things are, I probably should just cut all ties with my best friend and guy M, but I’m too hesitant to. All my best memories come from her, and I feel like without her in my memories and thoughts, I’ll just become a depressed, crippled ball of self-hate, just like I was before I met her.