anonymous

i am 19 years old and im syudying at university majoring in biology and this is my second year….. and till now i still remember my childhood memories….. 7 or maybe 8 years till now…. i wasnt able to be good friends with you.. a childhood friend that i really care about more than any friend i have ever known and till now we r not gd friends and evrytime we get near , we fight and it gets worse…..ur the only freind that is able to make me extremely happy just when i see you and a flash of the past memories come back….. the memories of our precious childhood school days where evrything was so innocent and beautiful……is it wrong to wish that we get close someday and finally you and i can talk like normal poeple and stop acting like enemies and as if we dont know each other? … isnt it wrong that you push me away and then talk to me thru someone's email?… isnt it wrong that if u get annoyed from me u stay silent and just get away and wait for me till i ask u wats wrong instead of telling me wats wrong so that i can fix it?…. isnt it wrong that you want to talk to me and i know you do bc u used ur friends email to talk to me , isnt it wrong to do that if u can just be honest with me and tell me wat annoys you so that we can talk directly to each other and not use anyone?…. isnt it wrong to ruin our friendship just because im not that good enough for ur social level and just bc im not cool enough for the superficial people around u?…. i dare you to name one person that likes you more than i do except ur family…..i know i did many stupid things and i hurt u but i did it accidentally and if God forgives us even when we hurt people accidentally ….why cant you forgive? i know ur afraid to talk to me directly bc once you come near i start to splash over and i just can stop… im an extremist in other words and maybe thats the reason behind you talking to me thru ur friends email…. its bc u still care and this alone makes me extremely happy…its gd u thought about doing that and nut giving up becasue when i knew this was you and not ur friend i was soooooo happy and after i lost hope and i thought u forgot abt me and u dont care any more, this proved that u still do and that made me come near u again….i wish i didnt tell you i knew this was you and not ur friend…. because that was the only communication between u and me and i totally cut it out by saying so….i should have acted like i dont know it u and use this fact so that i can tell u indirectly how i feel and u tell me how u feel and maybe shway shway we would have fixed it up!! … believe it or not… i miss u talking to me thru someone else… i wish u do that again bc i cant do it …. cuz u know that ur parents threatened me if i come near you again and no way will i try to come near bc of fear i might get into trouble… but if u do that u wont get into trouble bc its ur choice…. i miss u so much…. i miss everything about my old school just bc of u… i dont know if God will ever unite us,,,,,, but i hope and pray that this happens because my heart is very tired with you away from me….talk to me again thru a common friend's email and i promise you this time i wont blow it out if i know….. bc i dont want the communication between you and me to be destroyed because the reason for our far way distance is that we dont know how to face each other… ill tell you the truth now…. i was never able to face u directly adn i was only able to send you messages bc this is the only way i can express my real feelings…. i really cant face you becasue u never gave me the confidence to, you never reply, u always hide behind a mask,…. u act like u dont care but u definitely do… and by doing that ur destroying my self confidence and by then i can come near you and face you face to face… i know lamma sefarit to michigan (USA) jarastik iddem il 3alam but i didnt mean to jarastik iddem pris, albert and many others but belive me i didnt mean to… u know me inno ana 3afawiyeh….i will never forget you law u go to alaska n i go to exact opposite,,, believe me watever u do i wiill always remeber you as my beloved childhood friend… ken fi daroura tsodineh hek just bc ghlotet mab2azdeh ma3keh.. i meant to pray for you mish nazil shyatin 3alaykeh bas ana w2i3et bi mishkleh honik in the US and when i pray for u btinti2el la 3indik il mishikleh bas makint 3arfeh ha shi honik.. bas la jeet 3a liban and talked to a sheikh i knew it … and trust me when i knew i was hurting you lamma i pray for you i swear i stopped… i would never do anything to hurt you and i cried a lot when i knew inno ana 3ambnazil 3alaykeh shyatin… im very sry bas ana w2i3et bi mishkleh honik w im still in it and its making me sick.. i hope ur better now and the problem is solved bc if u r still going thru these problems i will never evr forgive myself…. never!!! … i know ur scared to come near bc of wat happened but im not a wierd person…. i thought about praying for you because thats the only thing i can do to you and feel that im being a loyal friend even if im away from you… i never thought this will happen….i dont know why everytime i try to do domething good to u it turns chaotic!!!! …i wish u read it and know its me bc thats the only way i can tell u how i feel.. i wish and pray that God will lead you to this website and make you read it and by then u know its me….u have to know i still care for u as my best childhood friend ever and u have to know i never meant to hurt you adn u have to know im not wierd or crazy or watever.. its just some problems i went thru in the US that made me act in a wierd me.and trust me when i thought soemthing was wrong with u instaed of me i didnt sleep for days (3 days in a row awake with no second of sleep) because i was worried about you…so sleep deprivation causes u to act in a wierd way at first .ask abt it and ull know!.. believe me w2i3et bi mishkleh kteeeeeeeeeeeeeer kbireh honik w ba3idneh 3amb 3anneh minna and if it stays like that it will cost me my whole future life… evrything!!… plz dont give up on me and lose hope and say khalas im sick and tired ….you have to understand me or at least give me a chance to explain to you evrything especially that problem im going thru becasue this problem affected our friendship dramatically and i dont know why it happened! i seriously dont know! listen to these words and try to understand me and look at it from a good angle….. i hope u know its me and know that right now i cant do anything.. im in a paralyzed position becaus u put me under a threat and i understand because i made u go thru some supernatural problems but ididnt mean it…u have to know i didnt … take care of urself and i hope u understand what ive been through … i really hope u do…maybe u wont ever come near bc u might think that everytime i get near i get u into rpoblems… i hope u dont think like that because if u do than were never goonna be friends and talk like normal people…. do u realize how much i care for you and for 8 years were acting as if we dont know each other…. its ver bad situation… because were not immortal and we cant control time and u never know when we might really get apart just like when i never knew i was gonna travel to the US ,and it happened suddenly… so now its ur choice, ur move,,, ur call…. andfinally remember ur favorite quote: "Dont' wait for things to happen make them happen" i cant do anything but wait bc u know the situation,,,its ur choice now….

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