Recently I’ve been feeling isolated a lot from pretty much everyone in my life
I’ve had problems with my family for a while now
my mom is noisy and insensitive and talking to my dad seems like I’m talking to a wall
one that pretends to listen yet nothing enters into their head
I’m also worried that I’m far too biased in my understanding of them
maybe its my fault in being cold, which is a trait I developed as a form of self-protection
since opening up is dangerous around those types of people
My brother is a people-pleaser to tends to stick with my parent’s opinion
without thinking on his own
also despite all of this our family is still fairly close, and its not anything big
its just that I don’t really talk to them all too much since I don’t get anything out of it when I try
interests also differ greatly as well
since talking about philosophy, novels, music and that sort of thing isn’t ideal around people who’s life revolves around work, talking with loads of people etc
their life seems like a cycle and its pretty infuriating to watch especially when they complain about problems where if solutions are suggested they’re shut down
and within school
my friends are good people
but they feel far too shallow
if I talk about topics considered deep its like they are unable to understand it
eg mental health, philosophy, frameworks on thinking etc
its not that they lack the means to know but just have no desire to
and for other people it feels like they avoid me
i do have a problem where I act two-faced
friendly a bit goofy (i dislike this part of me as it feels impulsive) around my friends
but friendly yet distant/cold towards others
where people tend to avoid me since I think I externally appear as someone who obviously doesn’t want to talk to others
even if that’s false. Though this is in part since I don’t like talking to people about most topics
I enjoy more intellectual stuff even tho that’s hard to bring up when first meeting people, and my outer ‘persona’ tho idk if thats the right word and that sounds cringe sort of makes those sorts of people evade me. Especially w the childishness I show sometimes