Thinking about the way he touched me. What he said. What I said. So different. And what was all of that? Why did I do it? He felt so comfortable to hold. And I love him dearly. But what happened is too sacred to be something I just did thoughtlessly. That part of our time together should be over. It felt like just pure affection, but seemed so wrong to me. I tried to stop it but it was too late, and I kept falling back into it. The line was crossed. I don’t know what to think. I guess when there’s love there, reason takes a back seat. It’s not the same as it used to be. I can feel that. It did come from love, but I didn’t express it the way I meant to. I hope I’m not like all of the girls Blue sings about. But I probably am. A mess. Confused. It probably looks so dirty on paper. Like I’m filthy. Not that it matters. Blue is beautiful, and I’m comforting him right now somehow. That’s all. But just for my own sake I want to act on nothing but the purest ways for him. Insane. I know. We are just friends. But I don’t want to do something that would make him think I’m grotesque. I am though. Obviously.
