How can people stand by and do nothing when they watch a peer be bullied. This is the reality I faced for many years. If I wasn’t being purposely shoved by others walking in the hallways, I was being shoved into the wall. Sometimes people would even openly laugh at me as if I were a joke. I never had the guts to walk with my head up since that day. They picked on me for the things that I couldn’t control. If they weren’t making fun of my height, then they made fun of me being alone. I always wondered if they thought that part of the reason, I wanted to be alone was because of them. People always complain that I don’t talk, but it’s my choice not to. No time can ever heal the wounds that have been left behind. Nobody notices my screams and cries for help. People would bark at me as I stood in the hallway during lunch. Little did they know that the reason I stood there alone was because of my past. No one understands the pain. It all began in kindergarten; I was only 4 at the time. I was advanced for my age seen as I could read chapter books and do a higher level of math. My vocabulary was also above the normal range. I was a shy and quiet kid though, so nobody really knew about my abilities. I would never participate in class, and the teachers would constantly call my parents because of that. I felt isolated, as if I was drowning. I didn’t want to talk, I had nothing to say. Kids started to target me, at first it was the height of my body, but soon the name calling started. Words such as, chipmunk, shorty, mute, and other words were said. Slowly, buy surely, I went from a somewhat bubbly kid, to one who wanted nothing to do with others. In first grade it only got worse. I was bullied heavily by my peers, balls were thrown at me, worse names were called, and I was shoved to the ground. 2nd grade is when my real hell began, I stopped smiling, laughing, and being excited. I was emotionally drained. Kids began to call me ugly, hit me, shove me into lockers, steal my work, and blame me for things I didn’t do. 3rd grade was a nightmare for me. Kids began to exclude me completely, and I couldn’t get myself to communicate with anyone. I became disinterested in playing at recess, eating, and even concentrating. My grades started to lower from all A’s to A’s and B’s. I began secretly crying at home, and I wanted to die. 4th grade may have been the worse year for me in elementary school. I started to avoid people in fear of getting hurt. My peers would push me down the stairs and prevent me from moving past them. They instilled a fear in me that has stayed with me for nearly a decade. They would talk about me behind my back, spreading lies and rumors. They would degrade me as if I didn’t exist. I began having behavioral issues, refusing to help at home, refusing to eat dinner, and picking fights with my siblings. I was carrying so much pain, but nobody noticed. 5th grade was the same as 4th grade. 6th grade is when it hit the fan. I started getting shoved into lockers, being hit by balls, getting kicked by students, having notes passed around about me and more. I moved to a different school in 7th grade, but nothing changed. When I moved nobody made the effort to speak to me. I felt invisible, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep forever. I began feeling nothing, I was numb. Students would sit by me when I sat alone at lunch and mock me by sitting still. They thought it was funny, but it made me want to die. 8th grade was no better, I still had no friends and was excluded entirely. 9th grade was pure hell, a peer of mine would constantly pick on me and he would follow me, rumors were spread, and my eating disorder began. I starved myself because I thought that if I could function on less than everyone else than I could prove that I was better. My eating disorder lasted for three years. 10th grade was also bad. I didn’t talk to anyone, not even the teachers. I constantly sat alone, and I wanted to commit suicide. 11th grade I did online, but the lasting effects of the bullying still made me suicidal. 12th grade was my last year of hell. Students began to bark at me in the hallways, I didn’t know who they were. Kids would make fun of the way I walked. Kids would mock me for always being alone. I was mute at that point. I had finally crafted a suicide plan at that point (obviously I never carried it out.) My life has been nothing but pure hell, I no longer wish to live, or associate with humans.
