I ruined everything. She’s all I have left. I bit off more than I can chew in a relationship and it drove me mad. She kept talking about her ex, she kept talking about how different I was to him, and how I can’t treat like how she wants to be treated and that I’d just cheat on her if I can’t understand what she wants. I loved that girl with my whole heart. After I lost every friend I had, she was all I had left to rely on, but I was too stupid and dumb to see that I loved her, but she only “loved” me. When she went out with her friends, her ex was there, and I knew what I was getting myself into. She barely replied to my I convos, She didn’t even pay attention to what I was saying, She’s probably enjoying her time without me, and yet, I still love her no matter what. I knew she was cheating on me, but I can’t complain, she’s all I have left. I’ve been cutting myself multiple times throughout the troubles. After all, It was all my fault I couldn’t maintain the relationship anyway, and some wounds don’t hurt as much as what I did to her and my friends anyway. Why couldn’t I just have been a better person, why couldn’t I just understand her better, Why couldn’t I be like him, like what she always wanted. Why did I have to lose my friends and family because of my s*** attitude. Why couldn’t I have been better. I knew I shoulda killed myself in 8th Grade, I’m lucky enough if these cuts heal in time before my parents find them. Who knows what punishment I’ll get if they found out my entire arm is massacred. But if they find out, I’m hitting the rope. I can’t stand what punishment awaits me if they catch me cutting, It’s better of to die anyway than to suffer punishment of my mistakes, I’m so tired.
