I realized why I feel so awkward when I go out to the store and stuff. It's because I am disgusting. I went to the store but I was wearing a large jacket

3 years

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I realized why I feel so awkward when I go out to the store and stuff. It’s because I am disgusting.

I went to the store but I was wearing a large jacket and less people stared at me. The large jacket hides my mishapen arms and stuff.

Then my eyes look fucked up too. So I have to wear sunglasses all of the time now.

In essence, I have to pretend and put on a costume if I want to have a chance of feeling comfortable or doing anything at all in life. My teeth are fucked up too, so I have to avoid smiling and/or just wear a mask.

New Confession

I hate you and resent you, you never listen and only hear what you wanna hear. You like me but its only conditional and when its convenient for you. You treat me like trash just like everyone else has and walking on eggshells. Any little mistake I make, your awful to me, you’re easily possessive , controlling and get easily jealous if i so much smile at someone yet its okay for you to have friends. You don’t want me to talk to anyone else yet you push me when I want to have a conversation with you. You only halfway listen, and you wonder why I completely shut down and dead inside. I rather live and die alone than feel more alone & isolated around everyone who’ve treated me like a freak. You get mad that I don’t want to be near you yet you’ve mocked me when I was really upset and hurt. I feel trapped and stuck. Im waiting to die, I hate this non-ending cycle pathetic excuse of this life im living. I can’t even escape in my own thoughts, if a god or any other being exists and is listening, please take me away already , why do you let me live ?

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