• 1 year ago

i learned in october that my boyfriend was cheating on his ex girlfriend with me for the first few months of our relationship and i told him from the moment i found out that im not upset and that i forgive him and don’t resent him for it but it’s only because i’m scared if i make him feel any guiltier he’ll want to leave me. it’s been killing me every single day since then. there are so many good memories i have from that period of time that are destroyed now. i’ve told a few friends about it in a pretty vague and unemotional way but i’m terrified to vent to anyone about it and tell them how much pain i’m in because i don’t want them to hate him. i’m scared this feeling is never going to go away because staying with him makes it so much easier to get reminded of it all the time. i just wish i had never found out. i miss when i thought things were perfect. the pictures i saw are burned into my brain and it’s torture. i feel so stupid and broken. i just want relief.

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