I grew up in a toxic family where my dad always got drunk, smoked but he stopped smoking and drinking when I was a teenager argued and fought with my mom

3 years

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I grew up in a toxic family where my dad always got drunk, smoked but he stopped smoking and drinking when I was a teenager argued and fought with my mom a lot which took a toil on me and my siblings, but mostly me I was openly suicidal tried a couple times when I was 7 till I was 13 but I was either too scared or too mad at the world to end my life without a fight, even though my parents always gave us what we wanted a perfect family would have been the best, I cried a lot as a kid when no one’s watching on the outside I have it all together a great life, rich, happy, tough and brave but I’m broken… I’ve been broken so bad that I barely feel pain from “anything” I don’t want to get attached to any guy because I’m scared, I open up rarely and I’m always there for people who have gone through things similar or worse than I have, but no one’s ever there for me it just breaks me more that people never notice that the help and care I give is what I really want, I can’t fall in love with someone because I don’t know what it is…I’ve never been loved to know what it is instead of understanding why I’m this way I’m judged and hated for being cruel,heartless,toxic, pushing people away, not caring how other people felt
I usually ignore and stay away from people when I’m facing troubles mentally or when I have other problems because that’s how it has always been just me and myself even when I tell people I’m not okay right now to talk to you and I tell them the reason why, they don’t help me or care about my own problems
Just nagging and being told I’m toxic again and soon I won’t have people around me because I push them away

So please tell me if it’s my fault that I try my best but I just always meet the wrong people

I’ve been through so much for a 19 year old and yes I can’t love but I try my very best
I easily leave any relationship I’m in because I’m scared or dissapointed that I really want to be happy but end up being the only one trying
I just want to get over my problem of having commitment issues
I can’t like/love someone for more than a month
I can’t give someone my all when I’m nothing but a broken piece

New Confession

I’m sorry, but you trannies aren’t women. You just aren’t. You’re like walking Monty Python sketches.

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.