Truth be told I can't keep going anymore. As much as I try and get through another day, I simply can't. It feels like I'm being attacked from all sides.

3 years

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Truth be told I can’t keep going anymore. As much as I try and get through another day, I simply can’t. It feels like I’m being attacked from all sides. It feels no matter how fast I run, the dread and the pain of having to wake up to yet another day overwhelms me. I try and hide the pain; push it so deep within me that I can’t feel it anymore, but it always bubbles up agin. I’m sick of trying to fill the void inside my heart. I can’t cope anymore. Each year that passes by I’m reminded of the guilt, the guilt of not being able to save my mother. This is a pain that I just can’t control anymore. It’s consuming me from the inside. I don’t wanna have anymore sleepless nights, I don’t wanna have anymore nights where I just cry until rge reaes stop falling. Each day I just wonder that if I left, would anyone really care? Would anyone mourn me? And the answwer is no, no one would because I’m a burden. I feel like I’m just an innconvenience in other people’s lives. That I do nothing but bring other people pain and misery. All I want is for those around me to be happy and if it means leaving them be, I’ll do it. Truthfully, I just can’t go on anymore. All I want is to be able to make people’s lives easier. I can tell most of them don’t care about me as a person it’s just that when I hit my emotional rock bottom they feel obligated to offer me soothing words when in reality they probably think I’m just a hinderence. I can’t continue living anymore. Not when I feel like this. I’m sorry for not being able to do better and I’m sorry that I made everyone suffer. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.