I don’t understand I’m the youngest the only girl the gender stereotypes are already there I’m meant to cook clean get a husband have children I do all

4 years

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I don’t understand
I’m the youngest the only girl the gender stereotypes are already there I’m meant to cook clean get a husband have children I do all the cleaning, whenever I have any achievement it’s expected I have to live up to my older brothers expectations I’m a young carer sometimes having to lock myself in my room when the middle child has an ‘episode’ my father was there for them two but not me yet I’m still meant to love him
I’ve been bullied by my own aunt for being sad on my period
I’ve been told to stop crying cause it’s making ‘her’ uncomfortable
I’m religious I think I’m bisexual but it’s not allowed
I have no one to talk to whenever I try I’m either shut down told she or my brother had it worse when I cried about my dad I was told ‘you’ve dealt with it for 15 years why are you crying now?’ No mom I haven’t dealt with it. You haven’t been there for the nights I’d cry myself asleep and for the few times you were you belittled me and took away my phone
I’m tired really I can’t even cry in my own room
No one actually cares
The only thing stopping me from dying is the fear of going to hell
I don’t want to go to hell
But I don’t want to keep on living
She gave me an eating disorder I’d eat only 900 calories a day it started when I was 10 lasted for around two years where I’d binge eat uncontrollably when I was 14 and finally started to feel the least bit comfortable with food and the calorie labels started to disappear I was then told off for eating too much
Too much too little not enough
The racism surrounding me not even teachers calling me my name
Self harming until blood comes out yet covering the scars of fear of them telling me off
Never having a support system never going to have one
I don’t think I’ll really ever escape her I have three years of this left to endure
I just don’t know if I can really
Not my brother or my mother my friends my aunt
I’m the smart funny friend and family member so I’m not allowed to be sad – I’m not joking lol she slapped me for not smiling enough
But it’s fine yk
It’s fine
I just don’t really understand
27.11.22

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