I hate myself. I've always kind of grown up really fortunate. My living situation, my friends, nothing in my life has gone wrong. I've recently turned 18

4 years

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I hate myself. I’ve always kind of grown up really fortunate. My living situation, my friends, nothing in my life has gone wrong. I’ve recently turned 18 and I still just feel so useless. I have a girlfriend who I sometimes feel like only enhances my insecurities. I’m hesitant on learning to love myself while also being in a relationship. So far, it’s been really hard. I feel as if I’m Co-Dependent on her and it only makes me feel worse about myself as a person. I want to be better. I’m really insecure about things. It’s kind of funny writing about this, I really was someone to look up to in high school. I was a part of every club, honors and AP everything, and chances were you most likely knew me back then. Just going into college without many friends has been tough, it really forces you to be on your own. I guess all of the dormant emotions at my core have come forth since I’ve started living in a dorm. I just
I don’t know.
I love my girlfriend, she’s incredible and legitimately the most genuine person I know. I think I hate I met her so early. I wish I could meet her in like 10 years when I have everything figured out and don’t have to worry so much about being a burden to her. Oh this would be helpful to mention but she also has severe depression. LMAO makes my feelings of being a burden a bit stronger sometimes.
I’m really tired of feeling so f****** s*****.

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.