4 years
x
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I don’t know what to say.

I’m hurting. Today started so well. A good morning text. A nice encounter. A new perspective. now… Same as always. I’m on my own again. it hurts.

All I want is to fall in love again. to wake up next to someone. To long for them to text me. To smile every time their name pops up. To stare into their eyes. To draw a heart as they sleep. To tell them I love them. to love them when they’re not looking. to feel so special. I want to fall in love. I want to lie beside someone so in love with them that I can only think of them. I want someone to hold me when i have a bad day. I want to hold someone tight. To hug them like I won’t let go.

But I feel so alone. My emotions are tired almost entirely to feeling alone. Sure I feel good sometimes. But I feel so volatile. I feel like a failure.

Tonight I think I’ve failed. I let things get the better of me. I’ve ruined yet another chance. Who am I? What do I want? I feel like giving up. I just want everything to be gone. I want to be back on that sofa. I want to feel warm. I want to feel alive. I want to be happy again.

I want to find peace.

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